ZEROKIRYU'S BLOG

zerokiryu

Summer Road
Monday, May 7, 2007

I never thought my writing was any good, I've never let anyone read any of it before. I put alot of myself into writing this, so I hope you like it.



"Summer Road".


I stand alone on this summer road.
No parks and swings,
no sweet summer flings.
Just me myself and I.
Why,
cause daddy said bye.
And I can't deal,
who can help me heal?
No one that's who,
I try to talk to mom,
she says I'm through.
Now she's in the bathroom gettin' pretty,
and I'm in my room feelin' shitty.
She comes and kisses me on the cheek,
says don't leave your room don't even peek.
She's goin' to the club to look for love,
when she only has to look at home.
So here I am alone on this summer road.
No parks and swings,
no sweet summer flings.
Just me myself and I.
Why,
Because for me,
it feels like hope never springs.

COMMENTS

Tuesday, May 8, 2007 5:56 PM

BLUEEYEDBRIGADIER


Fabulous stuff here, zerokiryu! Definitely something that draws the reader in and latches onto the ole ticker;)

BEB

Tuesday, May 8, 2007 5:35 AM

REDHEAD


Nice imagery. "no parks and swings" The broken phrasing helps create a sense of sorrow. For me, after both "why" I would eliminate the "cause" and "because for me" we already know me is talking but other than that...well done.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007 3:54 AM

MSG


It's excellent ( and I say this as an English teacher) very nice imagery:)


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