PHOENIXROSE'S BLOG

PhoenixRose

Not leaving enitirely
Wednesday, March 21, 2007

*ahem* To those who didn't understand, or thought I was just grabbing attention, or whatever else: My last blog was not about not being agreed with, but about being treated as though I was a petulant child who just needed some time to cool down and then my anger over something I consider very serious would go away. It does not go away when ignored, it gets worse. I don't know why it's so hard to understand that. Or why it's so hard to understand why I wouldn't want to be around when things were pissing me off that badly. Staying around when nothing gets resolved is only going to make me angrier. I have strong emotions. They don't float away on the breeze. Anyone has a problem with that, it's just too damn bad. Put me on your own personal ignore list. Whatever. But don't expect it to change. I talk about and from all my emotions on this board, even good ones. Usually, in fact, it's good ones. Sometimes it's not. Sometimes I have a bad ruttin' day, and I get hurt and angry just like everyone else, and I'm going to talk about it and I'm going to respond to it and I'm going to want to get away from the source of it when there is no resolution. AND I AM GOING TO LET PEOPLE KNOW WHY I AM LEAVING IF I MAKE THAT CHOICE. I consider that to be being considerate to the people here I have ties with. I don't want them wondering if I just vanish. I was not saying "Everyone gimme attention!" I was saying "I want to leave and I want everyone to know why, so they will not wonder about what happened to me." If I want everyone to give me attention, I will say so. I will jump up and down and wave my arms and say "Look at me!" Because I say what I mean. What I meant when I said I was pissed and nobody cared and that I was leaving was that I was pissed and felt like no one cared I was pissed and was therefore going to leave. For the sake of my sanity. No point in banging your head against a wall and remaining in a place that is pissing you off when nothing is going to get resolved. That is how I felt. If you do not want to know how I feel, don't read it. If you read it and don't like it, don't imply that I have no right to feel that way. Or if I do, that I have no right to express it just because it might be a negative emotion. If I actually say something that upsets you directly, I'm not going to question your right to be upset, and I would appreciate the same courtesy. In that vein, I do understand if I upset anyone, because I was an angry and grating presence and I apologize for that.

To those who understood where I was coming from: Thank you. Thank you for your understanding and your kindness in the face of my anger. I really hope I don't get that angry again for a good long while, because it's not pleasant to feel that way. You shiny folk helped me through it, and I appreciate that. You're right, of course, that I shouldn't let anger at one person and irritation at a few others on top of it get in the way of my ties with everyone else. I was mad at pretty nearly everyone yesterday, because I was irritable. Moreso than I've ever been. So everything just grated my nerves and I was just feeling very done with all of it, which is how I could contemplate leaving at all. I'm going to work on that not happening again, but I can't do it all by myself, so I appreciate you being here for me; more than I can properly express. You mean a lot to me and you will always have me in your corner if you need me, just as you're in mine.

So. I'm not leaving. But I'll not be going back to the water cooler and I don't know how many threads I'll be posting on in general; will depend on whether my interest is sparked. The bar and grill and picture threads are a pretty safe bet. League of Psychic Nutcases if I can ever catch another thread before it gets to 'ridiculous load-time length', and ditto that for the Forsaken. And then wherever I feel the urge to jump in and say something. There are topics I've weighed in on so many times that I get bored repeating myself when the same questions come up, but I'm sure that most of ya understand that.
Oh, and I'm also going to try to make more Blue Sun Room things; writing or photoshop. We'll see if that muse bites me any time soon.

I hope all this was clear and that I got everything across that I was trying to get across. Might have to sum up. Let's see... 1) My friends are precious and important to me. 2) Powerful emotions and not gonna change. 3) You don't have to like me, but don't piss on me. 4) I would prefer to resolve things in all cases, but sometimes there's no resolution to be had.

Okay, I think that's all. So I'll see you all around.

COMMENTS

Sunday, May 6, 2007 12:07 AM

RIVER6213


People like you and you are well respected. Leave it at that and you should be fine. You have more than gone out of your way to prove that many times over. You don't need to explain yourself.

-River

Thursday, March 22, 2007 2:32 PM

TRUEBLUE


crap got my points mixed up... I skipped 2) and moved the others up... oh well, you get the gist.

Thursday, March 22, 2007 2:31 PM

TRUEBLUE


1) friends are great. They are greater than great. Really agree 100% with point 1.

2) I don't know you so I can't say whether I like you, but I can promise I won't piss on you (unless you're on fire).

:)

3) I think that this seems like a balanced reaction to a highly emotive catalyst. What that catalyst was I do not know, so I can't say what I agree or disagree with in the detail, but I can say this seems like a really mature and rational course.

Thursday, March 22, 2007 1:26 PM

N60505


glad you are going to hang in, just logged on, and saw you were upset. I'm with you, it's gonna be OK. I blow my turret now and again and could write volumes about frustration. We are here for you. We are family at this little site.

Thursday, March 22, 2007 1:01 PM

BLUEEYEDBRIGADIER


Just glad you're sticking around, PR...even if the amount of visibility concerning your presence here is reduced. You have a right to your feelings and the prerogative to boogie off if things are getting too hot around these parts. Sad it would come to that...but you gotta do what you gotta do;D

BEB

Thursday, March 22, 2007 3:59 AM

MSG


Ok but are we still on for the ritual in the breakroom??? HUGS
Anyway, glad you're staying and all. See you at the bar!

Thursday, March 22, 2007 12:21 AM

LITTLEALBATROSS29


You are one of my favorite people in the verse PR ! I'm relieved that you're not leaving us ...and sorry you had such a hard time of it yesterday..
Brught springy blessings to you !


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