charms, spells, and madness
Saturday, July 3, 2004

I am a madman. I know this fact, and I do not deny it. Perhaps in knowing that I am mad, I am not so mad, but the madness remains all the same. I am mad because I am haunted. It seems that several years ago, I utterly botched a saving throw versus charm, and now this girl what betrayed me, abused me, broke me, will not leave my mind. Oh, sure, during the day, I can force her to the still corners of my mind and heart through the same force of will that keeps the Darkness from taking me and destroying all the is around me. It is a thing I do as naturally as breathing. But for that one time. So I can through my day, effectively normal, excepting a few quiet moments when thoughts of her seep to the surface, like blood in the water, permeating my mind in red. I can push it back, and move on. But at night. At night, when I try to sleep, I can no longer focus my will and holding the madness back. At night, in my sleep, I am weak. Dreams of her haunt me, torment me. I cannot escape them. I can control what I do in dreams, but not the dreams themselves. I know I am dreaming, but that does not change the dream. It doesn't change the whispers of desire in the moments just before sleeping and just after dreaming. In those moment of half-waking, half-sleeping, I am weak. And she preys upon that weakness. I am a fool struck by an enchantment and a curse. I do not know how to free myself from the spell. I am a madman, and I know that I am a madman. I know the madness, but I cannot defeat it.


Sunday, July 4, 2004 5:39 AM


Oh, I have no doubt it will. And it's not from a lack of will to get over her. During consciousness, I am over her. Like I said, though, when I sleep, I am weak. But beer/live music sounds shiny.

Saturday, July 3, 2004 5:42 PM


Boy. . .I'm gonna smack you.

If I can get over K -, you can get over A -.

It's not easy, but it's do-able.

We need to do the whole 'beer/live music' thing again soon. That'll help.


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