How do you cope?
Wednesday, October 11, 2006

This is my first blog, so bear with me browncoats. I have never really thought much about writing a blog, but recent events have moved me to do so.

My father passed away last week after a six month battle with cancer. He passed away before I could get there, but at least my sister was with him at the end. Not being able to say goodbye has left me feeling the loss all the more.

My father and I were never very close you see. He was always one to follow his own way and was never much for family. I tried, I really did, to be close to him, to have that father/son bond that you hear about so much, but somehow it always alluded me. I guess it simply was not meant to be. I reached out, I called, I wrote, but my father never seemed all that interested in keeping the lines of communication open.

Years went by, we grew apart, and I guess a rift of sorts sprung up between us. When he got sick, he pushed everyone away. He wanted to go it alone, as he has always done, so family was told to let him be. My sister, being as stubborn as he is, stayed near my dad (he lives in another state) and did what she could to take care of him. I envy her that in some ways, but it is a comfort to me to know that at least she was there to take care of him and make his last days as comfortable as she could.

I am not posting this to seek sympathy, though any words of condolence are greatly appreciated, but rather to air my thoughts. The browncoats are like my family and if you can't talk to family who do you talk to?

I guess the morale here is to stay in touch. Keep working at those relationships with family and friends, no matter how hard it might be at times. Time is the one thing that gets away from us, and before you know it that time is gone. No matter how much we might wish it otherwise, we can't get it back once it is past.

Thanks for listening (or reading in this case).

Take care browncoats. Keep flyin'!


Saturday, October 14, 2006 7:46 AM


Please add my condolences and sympathies to the ones already given here, BrownCoat1.

I know what it's like to have a distant relationship with one's father. Me and my dad have never been what anyone would truly call close. I could blame it soley on him and his choices in my childhood to let my mom mainly take care of me...but I won't. I could take your route and strive to keep communication open with him...but I get the feeling in some cases, it would be similiarly ignored. He's not much for listening to others' problems unless they affect him and his world.

Still...I am sorry for your loss. Losing a parent, even if you were distant from them, is never easy. Just glad you have us to help buoy your spirits in a time of need;)


Thursday, October 12, 2006 1:01 AM


Thanks for the kind words and advise everyone. It is very much appreciated.

Browncoats truly are the best!

Wednesday, October 11, 2006 5:17 PM


I've never really had a loss of someone like that to me, so I cannot fathom how it has affected you.

I hope all will be well soon...

...But one can't go on with just thinking about what might have been. "Here and now, boys, here and now..." Think of what's to come, the good.

That is how I've heard people move along and cope, but I can't say yes or no to it.

Keep your chin up, mate. And bless you for striving to build that relationship.

Stay safe.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006 5:05 AM


Separation is not an easy thing, whether it comes from things we have no control over (death) or things in which we may have an active part (rifts, etc). I lost both my parents when I was in my mid 20's - leaving my father's brother in Florida as one of my last remaining relatives. This past June, he passed away after a frighteningly short illness. We were estranged, as we had both done and said things the other disapproved of.
You are right, time does get away from us - and I feel like you do...I didn't get a chance to say my peace with him, as he was unable to respond when I got down there 12 hours before his death. This rift will always be open, due to our stubborn refusal to get past our difficulties. What a waste.

My sympathy for your loss. Though inevitable, death is never easy.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006 4:56 AM


Add my condolences to the list. And hugs.

How do you cope? You let yourself grieve. And you let yourself grieve in your own way and in your own time. And remember the good things about him and pass that on to your children.

Take it a day at a time, it'll get easier eventually.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006 4:40 AM


My condolences as well. Losing family is never easy, however close or far you might have been.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006 4:07 AM


Sorry to hear of your loss.I understand where you are coming from, I was estranged from my father for a very long time.I only recently sent him photos of his grandsons,which led to us talking. If you have children then at least you learned not to push them away. life is indeed too short.
Best of luck & blessings to you & yours.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006 3:56 AM


My condolences go out to you. I have lost both parents, and, like you, didn't have an easy relationship with either of them. Our family was what you would call in PC terms "dysfunctional". My father was very closed off and private, and stubborn, too - and I took after him. I could go on about how things went down, but it boils down to...we are all just human. We make our way the best we can. There are a lot of things I wish I could go back and do differently with both my parents, but I also realize it wasn't just me; sometimes no matter how you try you get pushed away.

It sounds to me like your intentions were good but your father refused your efforts to be closer. Be glad your sister was there, and know you did what you could. If you know in your heart you made the effort, you'll make peace with the rest eventually.

Take care and know your Browncoat family is thinkin' about you!

Wednesday, October 11, 2006 3:37 AM


Thank you sister. I appreciate your condolences.

My father was stubborn. I guess in some ways so was I. I would not say I was a model son, but I did try. I guess that is what counts.

Hopefully I will prove to be a better father to my son.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006 2:11 AM


I am so sorry for your loss. Close or not, losing a parent is losing a pillar of your life and it's so very, very hard. From what you've said, your father sounds like he was a proud and stubborn man and "pushing family away" as he was getting sicker was probably his way of being 'strong.' You tried to be the best son you could by calling and writing. Life is so very, very short for all of us. Again; I am so sorry for your loss.


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