What Going Mad Feels Like
Friday, June 11, 2004

This must be what going mad feels like.

I'm in the grocery store today. Not unusual. And I see this big stack, maybe 8' x 8' of Coke 12-packs. And I don't mean "Coke" like some of you may refer to all carbonated beverages. I mean, Coca-Cola.

The packages are a funny color. Odd, I think. I peer closer.

"C2" it's called. Hey, I remember seeing ads for that. Didn't they learn their lesson with New Coke? They can't be that dumb. So, I peer closer.

"Low Carb Coke."

*stream of curses*

What the ?!?!?! Have our Corporate Overlords lost their damn minds?! LOW CARB COKE?! You know a trend has reached idiotic proportions when this happens. Especially when you consider that if you're fat and drink Coke, the problem isn't the carbs, it's the SUGAR and CAFFEINE. But no, slap a "Low Carb" label on it and watch those sales figures dance like shiny lil elves!!

Carbs are energy. If you're playing football tomorrow, you should eat a lot of them. If you're sitting on your couch tomorrow and watching "Oprah," you probably should avoid them.

But going out of your way for low-carb this, low-carb that, is the very height of what makes humans so freaking confusing. Instead of going to all this EXTRA trouble to find low-carb cookies, why not just eat the damn regular cookies and DO SOME SIT-UPS?!!?

I eat what I want, and in the mornings, I always run around the block before the sun gets too high in the sky to melt my valuable brain. If America did this, the dumbest thing I'd have to write about this weekend would be "The Stepford Wives," which I wouldn't waste my time on either way.

Resume surfing. And DON'T BUY C2!! Drink Coke, jog. That's my new slogan. WAKE UP, EARTH!!!


p.s. I think I'm going to bottle up some "Low Carb Water." I'd be RICH!!!


Sunday, June 13, 2004 1:03 PM


Which reminds me... does no one ask the question, "Why isn't there Low-Carb Diet Coke?"

Is this because LCDC (which is just funny, anyone know where I can get an html lightning bolt?) would be 98% NutraSweet and 1.5% sugar? Anyone? Bueller?

Sunday, June 13, 2004 1:01 PM


NutraSweet is bad, bad, bad for you, which I think deserves its own log, if I can find the time. But to you, Fireflythemovie, I say this:

A 9:11 ratio?!?! If that just doesn't scream Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy, I don't know what does.

Sunday, June 13, 2004 4:19 AM


I have Jebbypal's same question. On a certain fundamental level, carbs is carbs (and actually, quicksand, the high fructose corn syrup in Coke can be stored in the body, just like the carbs from bread--they go through slightly different conversion processes, but they end up the same). Not to say that drinking coke and popping a multivitamon is anywhere near as good for you as whole grain bread and water...

Oh. I just spent some time at cocacola.com (the propaganda has made me feel dirty, but I'm about to take a shower anyeay). It's just half as much sugar, with Nutrasweet added to make up for it. I think you'd get the exact same thing if you mixed Coke classic and diet coke together in the right ratios. (Looks like the ratio is 9:11--it's actually 55% less carbs. Whatever.)

Saturday, June 12, 2004 5:42 AM


Ya know. . .

This trend of thinking in America.. ."Low Carb Coke". . .Caffiene Free Mt. Dew . . .Pepsi "Edge" (half the sugar). . .

It's the same mentality that allows FOX to be a success with their stupid reality shows. . .if you think about it, you might agree with me.

The lazy, slothful, lowest-common-denominator crap.

Friday, June 11, 2004 5:37 PM


I didn't pry open the box to read the ingredients, jebby. But I think the reason may involve a bit more information than we have.... something to do with what exactly a carb IS. Sugar is one, technically, but it's not stored in the body like, say, the carbs in bread. Perhaps it's something to do with the corn syrup I see on the regular Coke... a different king of sugar, but still sugar.

Nutrasweet is a whole 'nother animal... I could tell you why it's evil, but the story is so insane you'd think I was lying. Just, try and avoid it.

Friday, June 11, 2004 3:44 PM


so here's my question: what's the diff btw diet coke and C2? Both use nutrasweet to get away from sugar (carb)...

Friday, June 11, 2004 2:46 PM


Yes, that's how America is. [sarcasm mode]Ain't in wonderful ? [/sarcasm mode]

America doesn't want to work for skinniness. Invest in diet drugs, while your at it.

Don't worry! Once me and a couple friends overthrow the government and start Big Brother, they'll have to work to be skinny. And every other thing we can think of....


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