Does this sound alright?
Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Opinions needed, read link below first.

There will be some editing to do in that part but gives a general idea what's going on.

Now, This continues from where Simon leaves the bar....


Looking out upon the wide open sand, Jorja sees the lifelessness of the world. The scorching hot sun of the heart of the universe pounds down upon her scarred soul while she contemplates the future. What future?

The world we knew depended on technology. heaters for warmth, fans to keep us cool and appliances to cook our food. We had forgotten the old ways. Society had become lazy and our new ways had become deadly.

We stripped our land of pride and happiness and left it with heartache and pain.

All they wanted was a better world, but as my pop once said, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

Jorja looked down into the valley and saw what she came for. A sole tree on this lifeless planet. She descended the hillside and saw a small slightly askew cross sitting in front of the tree. As she veered closer she also noticed a small box in front of the cross.

Jorja knelt in front of the cross and picked up the box, slowly opening the lid. A small tear quivered in the corner of her eye. Inside a small book, inscribed on the front a name.


She traced the letters with her finger, then flicked through the book to the only page with writing on it.

A sole tear fell upon the page. She whispered the single handwritten paragraph on the page to herself.

"The war we fight is for freedom and love but what's the use if we can never free and love the ones that need us the most."

She fought tremendously to hold back the tears, but to know avail. They streamed one by one down her face. She closed the book and held it tightly in her hands and trying to remember all she could about her father.

She couldn't remember much only that her father was a strong man that wouldn't give up easily. She remembered that the most as the last time she saw him he was fighting to get her back as the alliance had just taken her, unpaid taxes they said, but that was over 15 years ago.

She had missed him dearly every day she was in that god foresaken place. But now she was finally free, she'd tried so many times to leave but they always found her. But this time she knew that they didn't want her back. Not after what she did. That was of course if they knew she was alive.

Jorja loosened her grip on the book and placed it back in the box and pulled out a tightly wrapped bundle. She unwrapped the paper to find a blood smeared bullet. She studied it with fascination. She was curious to know its origins. She knew it wasn't the bullet that killed her father because that dangled around her neck, the only thing she owned of her father's. But this bullet was alliance issue, she knew because she had seen it so often in those horrid years of torture, that iconic symbol of the alliance imprinted on the base.

She turned her attention to the the blood smeared wrapping, there was some faint words beneath the stains. She strained to make them out.

"For those lost and yet to be found."

She knew immediately who left this, an old friend, MALCOLM REYNOLDS.

She rewrapped the bullet in its paper and returned it to the box, wiped the tears from her eyes and returned the box to its rightful place under the cross.

She stood up, stared at the cross for a few minutes then leant over and straightened it. She talked to the cross like her father was standing in front of her, "Just the way you like it, neat and straight. See I do remember you. I came finally. I'm free, no more alliance. I just wish I had spent more time with you, but they took me and threatened to kill you and the people I loved, I couldn't let that happen, so I stayed and behaved until I couldn't take it no more, I shot Mal, my best friend, that was the hardest of all, I didn't want to do it, but I had no choice, I've tried talking to him but he won't have me near him, I guess he's still pissed at me but I just want him to understand. I love you, I always have."

She turned to walk back up the hill. She stood face to face with none other than, Mal.

"How long..," She started to question.

"Long enough," Mal cut in, "Is it true?"

"Yeah," she replies then feels awkward. She tries to read his expression, but nothing. She didn't like not knowing what was going on inside of him. Was he still angry?

"You still had a choice though," Mal adds and then knocks her out, with his famous right hook.

Jorja falls to the ground. Unconcious.


More to come...please be patient......

To Be Continued ............Shortly......


Friday, May 12, 2006 1:32 AM


I agree with Spacefoo re: Simon in the bar w/ a gun. Especially as he had such a stick up his chute early on, and froze when confronting the fed holding River... He struck me as more of a money-as-grease kinda guy.
In the bar, not drinking any more goes with the him needing to know some bad people from bad places to get River out.
Excellent concept & plot line so far! Please continue!

Thursday, May 11, 2006 4:03 AM


Love it so far! Get it posted quick!

Thursday, May 11, 2006 2:49 AM


Excellent!! I love the backstory so far.

You paint a very rich and textured picture. Keep it up!!

Wednesday, May 10, 2006 8:33 PM


Sorry no comment before. It's lovely really lovely! Keep writing darlin!

Wednesday, May 10, 2006 8:14 PM


I like it. Get it beta'd. Get'r'done. Get it posted! What exactly do you need suggestion-wise now? You seem to have a pretty good handle on a great original story. Keep me posted, I cannot be online enough to check for new posts of yers...

Wednesday, May 10, 2006 7:35 PM


I absolutely LOVE this thread JJR, believe have opened a really cool new door. Beta it and start posting from the beginning. The only caution I have is regarding Simon and the whole bar thing, it really doesn't fit his persona to put a gun to someone's head, he'd do something else, not that I don't think he could....but, my thought would be that he'd somehow, get Jayne to do it, or something like that. I really, really, really enjoyed this though, your character has depth and for an original thats very important, continue to develop her and her connection to Mal!

Wednesday, May 10, 2006 7:26 PM


excellent! i'm hooked! i like the idea of a new person, there are so many ways you can go with this. please let me know when you post next!

Wednesday, May 10, 2006 6:32 PM


GASP!!! I'm on pins and needles here. how does the reunion go! doesn't mal forgive her?

Keep writing JJR, your story is great and I'm excited to see it finished and in the bluesunroom.


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