Endorphin Hangover
Friday, December 5, 2003

I mentioned this in the tag log today. some of ya'll are probably thinking "huh?"

creative activity produces endorphins in the brain which Websters defines as "any of a group of proteins with potent analgesic properties that occur naturally in the brain." what it doesn't say is how intoxicating it can be. only when I'm drawing do I lose all track of time, sense of self as to where I am and whose coming up behind me, and even my appetite diminishes. all that matters is the image under my hands and the pencils I'm using to make it happen.

I'm sure the other creative browncoats have the same thing. staying up too late on a "school night" just to finish that one detail, basking in the success of finishing it well and finally falling into bed. it's the waking up the next morning part that becomes problematic. today I think my clock radio ran for about ten minutes before I reached the surface of the deep dark purple place and realized that noise in my dream wasn't in my dream after all.

unlike the usual hangover, however, I don't have a headache, or sensitivity to light and sound. what I do have is a severe sense of displacement. much as I enjoy being online with you all, I'd really rather be home at the drawing board, making it all happen all over again.

so one wonders this morning, in my endorphin-induced state, if this is what it was like for the Serenity crew when the show was still running and they knew they had something great going on? how agonizing it must be for them - and for us - to be trapped in the real world when what we really want is just beyond reach.



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