I need your help!!!
Wednesday, April 14, 2004

I have the begining of a novel I am trying to publish on If any of you can read and review it, any input would be greatly appreciated. The link is:

Let me add, it's a sci-fi story, or as one reviewer put it: "Earth's End". If you read it, you'll like it, but I only put up a small tease.

It's not Firefly, if anyone's wondering.

Please put in a review on the FictionPress site!!! I need good inputs from trusted folk, thus I come to you all with this request.

Thanks in advance!!

Edit - I put this up before, but I took everyone's advice and I rewrote the beginning. It's good, at least by my opinion. Check it out, please!!!


Friday, April 16, 2004 10:56 AM


Hiya...since you were askin' I gotta say that I think there were a few too many characters in the opening. 13 people are named or referenced in the first two paragraphs. Early on this caused me confusion because the I couldn't remember who was talking or what their function was. It's a lot harder to go ahead and establish a connection with the main character or characters with so many bodies floating around.

If you're open to suggestions, maybe you can try this...Remove everyone from the bridge except the three characters who actually do the talking. Suggest that there was a crowd just outside the bridge waiting for word and perhaps the captain sees several of them and adds with little mental notes to himself about who they were. Then you can concentrate on the issue and add more character byplay in the same space.

I really want to develop a sense of connection with characters before I go off gallavanting unreservedly around the universe with them. (You remember how easy it was to like or want to be like the crew in Firefly?). Interesting direction.. keep going, I'd like to see where you're taking this.


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