SHINYTALENT'S BLOG

shinytalent

How many times can someone say 'I love you' ?
Thursday, January 5, 2006

I'm Ok now, nothing to worry about, thanks guys

COMMENTS

Friday, January 6, 2006 11:01 AM

FAE


Being prone to toxic relationships myself, I know what you are going through. Especially when you have a "reminder" of that particular relationship around you. (Yours being the friend who looks like your ex)

My advice to you is: talk to your fiancee (obviously) and maybe even tell the friend your predicament. If he's a friend at all and knows your fiancee well maybe he would have some decent advice. This may be an odd recommendation since talking to the friend is being considered the "root problem". But it couldn't hurt to let everyone who is involved in on the situation.

You don't want to lose your fiancee for talking to this guy, but you don't want to lose a friend by ignoring him either.

Your fiancee will probably get over this in time. But for now, maybe you should start focusing on the extreme differences that set him and this friend miles apart from eachother in your mind.

Reminding your fiancee of the common grounds you and he share might also bring you closer to one another. He needs to feel that you could never be as close with anyone else as you are with him.

Those are just a few options. I hope maybe at least ONE will work for you.

Friday, January 6, 2006 9:14 AM

SPACEHOPPER


I sort of agree with imin; it's down to insecurity. Rather than being worried about your feelings toward's the friend now, he's worried about what sexual feelings you may develop if you and his friend continue to form a deeper platonic relationship.

I mean, you've fancied a guy who looks like him before and you like his personality, so the possibility of you fancing him isn't so remote, is it?

How often do you see this friend and how often do you comment on what you and him talked about to your fiance?

If it is more than you normally would with other friends maybe you should think about cutting down for a while like imin said. I know you should get to see a friend as much as want and your partner should trust you, but nobody's perfect and this little sacrifice might just give your partner the time and space he needs to get over his fear.

I'm not a relationships expert so this might be a load of bull, but it's what I think so meh.

Friday, January 6, 2006 5:29 AM

BRITCHICK


I like Chronic's idea.

It might also be worth while asking your beloved what it is that is actually worrying him, and what you can do to reassure him. It may be that you are not reassuring him about the right things...

Friday, January 6, 2006 4:48 AM

PSYCHICRIVER


Ooh thats a tricky one.

It sounds like he's more jealous of your ex, and is misplacing those feelings.

Friday, January 6, 2006 3:17 AM

IMIN


I'm of the thought that there are just some things that have to work themselves out. I mean sure he knows that you love him, tha I don't doubt. It comes down to self doubt. I just think that if you were to lay low with the friend and try, not to stay away, but give your fiance a chance to breathe. I think things would work out. At some point he should come to the realization that "hey, I'm loved and she is the one that loves me."
That is my personal advice. You can take it or leave it, but I have been in the bad relationship and then found the man of my dreams. It just takes time, understanding and alot of work.

Thursday, January 5, 2006 8:21 PM

SHINYTALENT


thanks for the advice Chronic,
and believe me when I say that I filled him in on all of the screwed up nuances of my previous relationship and I go out of my way to tell him why I love him, I even go out of my way to prove it.
But still thank-you so much for your advice, all I can do is keep trying

Thursday, January 5, 2006 8:04 PM

CHRONICTHEHEDGEHOG


Have you sat down with your fiance and seriously talked about the previous relationship? How it affected you and how it was toxic, how he's so different, and why that makes him better for you. Not just telling him you love him, but telling him why you love him.

If I were him, I think that'd make me feel a whole lot better about it.


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