"It's a crazy-quilt of infotainment that like to call a 'film', and it just may be the best one ever made. Or one of the ones in the middle. Probably not the worst... I'm thinking middle. High middle. So buckle up and get ready for that patented Joss Whedon "high-middle" excitment. It's on its way." - Joss Whedon on Serenity
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Eidolon (Part 11)
By Bytemite
Sunday, March 07, 2010 19:33
TIMES READ: 852
RATING: 9

After Miranda, the crew of Serenity is haunted by the past. Even though everything seems to be falling apart, they still have to find a way to heal. Post BDM, canon pairings. (Part 11: More set up? Seriously? This had better be a damn good story)


EDIT: Fixed! Next chapter, action and excitement!

EDIT #2: Oh, I forgot to say, I have to admit that the Ratched here is heavily inspired by the prison ship in Screw The Alliance's Unfinished Business (itself regrettably unfinished, but still a very good read). Hopefully, though, I've presented some new ideas here, and it won't seem like a complete rip-off.

Aliasse and Platonist looked over parts of this, so thanks.

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The first breath of air was the worst, like coming to life only to drown again, choking on water still in the lungs. The amniotic seal popped and the last of the fluid drained away.

“Lucy? Are you all right?” She fell forward bonelessly out of the cell and caught herself on the curved barrier, still sputtering and bedraggled. Cho was hovering over her, his almond eyes wide under black a black fringe of bangs.

She smiled up at him. “Better than,” she answered, and started wringing out coils of copper hair, dripping a puddle at her feet onto the brightly lit pristine white floor. “Except for the last part, that was actually somewhat relaxing.”

He shook his head, the perfect image of amused skepticism. “Pì huà.”

“No really,” she insisted, reaching for her white coat and shoving her hands through the sleeves. “Like sensory deprivation therapy or something.” The hiss of hydraulics as a security door slid open and shut drew her attention back to the floor level, and she sighed, rolling her eyes. “Speaking of which, here come The Machines.”

Cho leaned out, frowning in dislike down at the two blonde men. “Think I’ll take my chances in there.”

“Wha-“ she spun back, but he was already making his escape. “You can’t just leave me to deal with them! They’re creepy!” she objected. Creepy nothing. They were cold, calculating, expressionless, and their arrival aboard the Ratched had generally made everyone uneasy, even the captain. Identical black suits… And why did they have to wear gloves all the time, anyway?

He smirked and climbed into the capsule. “Bet I can last longer than you did.” He crossed his arms, daring her.

She narrowed blue eyes, then slapped the controls. He grinned, membrane closing again around the opening and backlights flicking on as the fluid began bubbling around his ankles. “You still have to check out that virtual reality simulator I downloaded from the cortex,” she grumbled. He couldn’t hear her anyway, just waved, as the breathable liquid slowly lifted his feet from the floor and rose up over his head.

“Doctor Alair. This section of the containment area is restricted.”

Agent Brown and Jones. She turned towards them sharply. “There’s something wrong with this pod,” she informed them, pointing over her shoulder. “I’d like to have maintenance check it over.”

The two men looked at each other. “Glitch?” asked one. Agent Jones, perhaps, not that it mattered.

“I’ll ask headquarters,” replied his counterpart. “Sialia’s been slipping.”

A beeping noise interrupted them, and she checked her handheld. Bluebirds sing. Neurons spark. The two agents receded into insignificance. “Excuse me,” she brushed them off, “another shipment of the new test drugs has arrived.”

Dr. Alair floated by the pods lining the walkway, several levels of them stacked on top of each other, most occupied by inmates deemed too dangerous for social integration, sentenced to permanent hibernation. She didn’t look at any of them, as though unaware of them. Lucy studied each of their faces, curious and piteous, wondering if they could dream.

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“Landlock.” Zoë was matter of fact as ever in defiance of the gravity of the situation.

Jayne took a lean against the mule. Plenty of worry gathered around the captain and first mate for the chatter, and none of it worth listening to. What they were was stuck and more stuck and spinning their wheels was going to get them nowhere fast, seeing how their ride didn’t have any.

Heat around them was the kind sapped at a man until his only option was to find some shade and lay down. Even the grass as all nodding and flies were buzzing lazy-like. Only advantage here was the Doc looking all mouse-eyed and even that was losing its appeal. “But… How did they find us?” the kid asked. Jayne didn’t like the wary glance sent his way.

“They didn’t,” the captain cut in flatly, like a breeze stirred then died. The man had been haunting around Inara like a damn schoolboy to help her down from her seat, only she was having none of that.

Well, so long as that was settled, but for good measure, Jayne gave the boy a sneer. Uppity xiăo guī tóu frowned back, then Mal caught the doctor's eye, nodded towards the curly haired distraction – see to her.

“Called an Antlion,” Zoë explained. “Back when the Alliance first tried to declare the Rim and Border colonies, they offered charitable aid to sweeten the deal. Only thing is, they wanted us to pay for it – in resources, land, labour, and taxes.” They were starting to head underground now, which suited him just fine. Didn’t go too far, though, and he claimed some wall for himself just away from the direct heat, spitting distance from outside. “No one wanted the supplies, Alliance wouldn’t take ‘em back, so the three main Independent worlds had themselves a great big bonfire. This was how they retaliated. Martial law, governors, and this.”

He didn’t see what this had to do with them being stuck, and snorted. “Don’t sound scary.”

River started jabbering. “Worm execution. Can’t fly away. Catches you in its teeth and drags you – ”

“Still don’t sound scary,” Jayne snapped. She ignored him and trailed after the petticoat and her brother down the tunnels.

“But that shuts down everything, don’t it?” Kaylee wondered. Oh hell. He didn’t mind so much the zháo mo mechanic talk, what with all he heard from his pa’s factory work and all. She was one of the few people he’d ever met didn’t generally annoy him that he hadn’t paid first. Last gorramn thing he wanted to hear was her awing and jawing over Mal’s latest luck-gone-wrong.

“Everything ain’t purple,” the former dust devil concurred. “Nav systems, local cortex, infects a node and just spreads. Took out most of our air support whenever we got hit, forced us to use radio.”

Wasn’t any looks, not even any of that silent talking between the two browncoats. Nope. Something they weren’t telling him. “That all?”

Now something tense, the soldier asking for a go ahead. “Only ever been used once since the war ended,” Zoë added reluctantly. “Just after the surrender at Serenity.”

He took a moment to think that over. Nothing. “So?” They all stared back at him, blank, then Kaylee smiled at him like some poor stray wasn't housebroken, and Zoë's chin kind of lifted like he'd just told her he'd found a landmine. Mal just started to walk away, done with him. He was getting tired of all the attitude he got, everyone always looking down on him. Why didn’t he get out yesterday, or even weeks ago, while he still could? “What’s the plan, anyhow? Stay here ‘til they find us?”

The captain stopped as he was passing, looked aside at him. “No,” Mal said. “We stay, there’s a good chance Serenity gets impounded. And by staying, we put these folks at risk. I won’t see them punished for their kindness.” They all thought on another safe haven for a moment, then he continued walking away, líng zi coat doing that swishy thing. “Get packing.”

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The single eyelet in the makeshift guest room and clinic hadn’t allowed enough light for an examination, but even with the oil lamp Inara thought everything was still very dark. River had curled up beside her, grim and silent, while Simon balanced her hands on top of his, resisting while she pressed down.

Dear Simon. On Sihnon, he would have been exactly her type – kind, sensitive, thoughtful, undemanding, smart, witty, not annoying… If she ever had the option, surely she would have married a man like him, who she could share the burden of her secret with, who would help her face what was coming, who could be strong for her. Someone who wouldn’t abandon her to die alone, like her father had left her mother. Simon was just like all her clients, good friends as well as associates, who she still cared for. But it was different now. She could only imagine one man anymore, and she hated that her heart had so foolishly and selfishly decided on someone who was already so broken.

“You seem to be all right for now,” the doctor finally pronounced, and pulled up the bedside ottoman. “No tremors. But without running a scan, I can’t tell for certain how far you’ve progressed, or how fast.”

She knew what that meant. The companion had taken a nursing course during training in case a client ever suffered a heart attack or stroke during an engagement, and so she knew a very little about medicine. They needed a neuroimager. Core technology.

Simon squeezed her hands sympathetically, full of apology. “Kaylee tells me the infirmary is a mess, but very little was actually broken in the crash. I do still have some of your medicine stored aboard Serenity, if it comes to that.”

“You still have some?” she echoed in disbelief.

He shrugged. “It’s revitalizing, not regenerative. It doesn’t work on River,” he sighed, then smiled. “And if you ever want to play dead, which comes up more than you might expect out here, it’s very useful when combined with byphodine.”

She frowned. “You didn’t hit another hospital while I was away, did you?” She missed everything the last time, for which she was grateful, as the heist was almost a complete disaster.

“Not yet,” Simon answered, troubled with the ethics of betraying an institution dedicated to helping the sick and injured. He had told her before that the job had been worth it for his sister, and the hospital resupplied before anyone even noticed, but he hoped that they would never try that again. “But then, you never can tell what insanity the captain might get mixed up in next.”

“They’re called plans,” Mal objected, pushing aside the curtain. “Never do seem to stay that way, though.” He was watching her, and seemed to find her exasperated eyeroll at his intrusion some reassurance that she was indeed feeling better. Then he looked at their hands, still joined, and something bitter flashed across his features before he could hide it again. “Well. If the two of you wanted alone time, could’ve just asked.”

Simon dropped her hand and shifted, genuinely uncomfortable. He made to excuse himself. “I’ll just…”

“Belay that,” Mal interrupted, ignoring Inara’s glare and taking up his hands-on-gunbelt captain’s announcement stance. “Got more for you to hear. Seems an Alliance cruiser has gone and parked itself in orbit. Prison ship, former POW camp called the Ratched, or ‘the Wretched’ by those with more’n a passing familiarity. I’d say you just call it ‘Bad News.’” He gave them a hard look. “You three are staying here while we reconnoiter, as long as it takes. Can’t risk you and your sister, doc, and I still don’t know if anyone’s on the lookout for you, ambassador. So you’re going to get plenty of time to spend together.”

He pushed aside the drapery with some violence, leaving her to follow him. Well, she certainly wasn’t feeling dizzy anymore. She caught up without any mishaps; Mal had been stopped by Zoë, who looked only slightly less defiant than she had once, on Haven. "Sir. Ain't her fault we're in this mess."

He paused. "No," he agreed, and Inara remembered his sadness and bitterness around the dinner table, almost a month ago.

"It was Niska," the darker soldier continued, but her eyes were like sparking flint, fixed on him with barely restrained accusation. "Just like it was the Alliance killed my husband. What they do, on that ship up there, makes me want to go in and torch that city to the ground as a mercy." And then the unthinkable: Zoë hesitated. "But them and Kaylee," she gestured towards the room behind him, "they ain't seen war. Not like us."

Mal crossed his arms, mirroring her defiance. "We're flying blinder than usual here, Zoë. We've got to see what's coming."

The widow looked away, struggling with her grief, but far from finished. "He was right," Zoë said finally. "All this violence, it's only gotten us one thing. I wanted to leave today. Too peaceful, I thought. Have to get busy dying again. Like a damn fool."

His voice was harsh, impatient. "Stay then. I don't have time for this."

The moment that passed almost seemed to reel from the shock, but Zoë merely stood taller, hardening into stone. "Is that an order? Sir?" Her voice was like ice.

Almost ten years, counting on his second in command to back him up, and now this. Inara felt her heart pound in her throat. "Mal." He was still trying to stare down his first mate. "I want to go with you." Let me be your anchor.

Finally he acknowledged her offer, sighed and shook his head. River was just visible past the veil, watching them. “See what I mean about the plans?” he asked her.

Yúbèn gŏudàn de pì yăn,” the teenager grumbled back moodily.

“Mal, I know someone who can tell us what's happening,” Inara explained patiently. “And the sooner I can find functioning transport off this world, the sooner I’m out of your hair.”

His gaze burned into her, sizing her up, then he left her standing in the hallway without another word. And Zoë reached out to her, squeezing her shoulder in an approximation of earlier offered comfort.


Bytemite

Sunday, March 07, 2010 - 19:42


Also Mal and Inara fight and Mal storms away!

Ugh. I couldn't come up with anything else. I wanted to do something different, but I couldn't do it justice in a few paragraphs. Moved to next chapter.

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2x2

Monday, March 08, 2010 - 02:27


Take all the time you need! You'll never hear me complain about *more* story!

I liked the exchange with Simon and Inara and Mal coming in especially...

I have to think about the whole 'Simon as Inara's type' thing... I know a lot of people say that, and a lot of people like the Simon/Inara idea in general, but I'm not sure I see it... Mal's insecurity about the whole thing though, I definitely do!

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Platonist

Monday, March 08, 2010 - 06:14


Agree with 2x2, take all the time you need because your characterization, crew tension and interplay are fast becoming some of the best I've read.

Simon and Inara, that's always been there from Mal's perspective, he is jealous of their relationship even though Simon and Inara are just friends and there is nothing exchanged except an understanding of both coming from the core. Mal knows he can't have that with her, ever, kinda like Wash's jealousy over Zoe and Mal and their war buddy bond. It’s another way for writers to explore inside Mal’s head. Part of Mal probably thinks Inara would be better off with someone like Simon to keep her safe because everyone Mal is with dies and he could never be the reason she dies, it would kill him, completely.

So much to comment on…I like how Inara has insurance, it just seems to be something she would buy, and of course, her being the curly haired distraction for Mal when he’s making Captainy plans.


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Bytemite

Monday, March 08, 2010 - 06:24


Well, thanks for your vote of confidence. :) I think I might try to insert the Mal and Zoe conversation in here as a post-edit. I really DON'T want to drag stuff out much longer, and the scene I have in mind is a nice character moment for Zoe, but ultimately it's not necessarily relevant to the main plot. So if people don't see it, no big loss.

The important thing here was for me to reveal the main plot and show just how deep the tan'zhe de gou shi the crew has found themselves in is. Having done that, I feel like I've bought myself some time for some of my side interests here.

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Bytemite

Monday, March 08, 2010 - 06:35


Platonist: Nice sum up on the Mal/Inara/Simon thing, and the parallels with the Mal/Zoe/Wash thing. That's how I see it too. :)

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2x2

Monday, March 08, 2010 - 06:46


Oh yeah, I totally agree on the Simon/Inara thing from Mal's POV... it's from Inara's that I'm thinking about ;o)
And yeah, perfect example on the parallel between between Mal/Zoe/Wash and Mal/Inara/Simon!

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Bytemite

Monday, March 08, 2010 - 10:23


I think that, for Inara, the difference between Mal versus Simon and clients she's had similar to Simon is a matter of chemistry.

Here Inara was thinking that all of her clients would at the same time be her ideal spouse. Awfully convenient, you know? But it's basically what she expected for herself and where she expected and wanted her life to go. Gillian Rose did a nice chapter in The Misfortune about this once, and I kinda stole that for this. >_>

The thing is, I really don't actually think Simon is that suited for Inara, because what I think Inara doesn't realize is that she's likely to find herself bored. He's the same as all her clients (the good ones, at least), it's a nice friendship, but for Inara, it's nothing new. Simon is unobtrusive, and only knows what she's willing to tell him. Here, that's more than she's told Mal, but Simon just doesn't have the drive (or interest, I think) to dig deeper and found out what she's really feeling, to really understand her. On the surface it's nice, but the relationship would lack a depth that Inara seems to crave.

What makes Mal more suitable for Inara is that her mask doesn't work on him, and he brings feelings that she tries to bury out into the open. In this way, even though the relationship is frustrating and complicated for everyone involved, it's also healthy for Inara. And because Inara does the same for Mal, it's healthy for him too.

Just hide the knives when they really go at it... ^_^'

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mincingbeast

Monday, March 08, 2010 - 11:26


excellent stuff byte! really getting into eidolon. favorite line: "His eyes burned into her, sizing her up, then he left her standing in the hallway without another word." concur with the neato-ness of the parallel between m/z/w and m/s/i.

still, when you call their relationship healthy, it sounds like broccoli. i prefer to think of their relationship as absolutely unhealthy, hence delicious (like ice cream).

mal is, on his best day, a needy and unstable chap--and I can easily see him being emotionally abusive. inara comes with baggage all of her own. they've got to be terrible for eachother--thats part of their doomed appeal.

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2x2

Monday, March 08, 2010 - 11:58


I agree with your reasons why you think Mal works for Inara better than Simon, completely. But I don't think I agree that she sees all clients as her ideal spouse. I don't think Inara was looking for a spouse at all. If the idea of marriage did come up, it was a distant thing to think about when she was older and retired, not something that was part of her day to day.
She chooses clients based on a 'compatibility of spirit' she's said, but I don't think that necessarily means that specific compatibility is what she'd want in a mate. That's where I get hung up. Would Simon be typical of her clients? Yes, I imagine he would have been interchangeable with a dozen others, but is that whom she would have wanted to marry?? It just doesn't work for me. I think there's an independent streak in her, that's always been there, that would want to be challenged by a mate, even before she left Sihnon. I think that's something that's fundamental to her personality.

But that's just my take on her :o)

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Bytemite

Monday, March 08, 2010 - 12:44


I think that independent streak is something that Inara has only recently discovered. I agree all her thoughts about marriage were something very distant (especially because she thinks with her current situation it's impossible). But I do think she expected that she would marry a client. I'm also think she never found a client she WANTED to marry, and she never questioned that maybe her tastes actually lay elsewhere. Which clearly they do, and she's finding that a difficult pill to swallow. I think she's dismayed that the one person she's become attracted to that way is someone like MAL.

Mincingbeast: I don't think it's necessarily destined to be doomed, from what I've seen the end result of a relationship like theirs is hilariously, ridiculously dysfunctional. Mal is always going to be a teaser and get on Inara's nerves, plus he has that slight boyish problem of lacking common sense and being reckless. I mean, did he ever stop being a teenager? I'm not so sure. But he starts a childish argument, Inara gets equally childish, and the crew kind of stirs the pot a little for their own entertainment. Yet, they'll stay together, because despite everything else, they do both have similar outlooks on life, business, and family.

Maybe "healthy" was too strong a word, though I didn't mean their relationship in its entirety is healthy, just that one aspect which might make it worthwhile.

Mal is needy and unstable, but not because of their relationship, and I do think that in the right environment, under the right conditions, that's something Mal can heal.

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2x2

Monday, March 08, 2010 - 13:06


We'll have to agree to disagree on her independent streak I think :o) I think she may be *realizing* it more now that she's experiencing the freedom of life 'unconfined' by the structure of the Guild back home, but I think it was always there. But that's the beauty of character interpretation - we all get to come to our own understandings and beliefs.
I *am* curious what makes you think she expected to marry at all? Definitely she never found a client she wanted to marry, and definitely agree that she is not happy that Mal is who her heart has chosen, but I'm not convinced that marriage is something she ever had expectation for - before she left Sihnon, she was working towards becoming House Priestess, which doesn't necessarily preclude marriage, but it speaks to me more of a long term commitment to the Guild than hoping for a marriageable client to come her way...



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Bytemite

Monday, March 08, 2010 - 13:27


--I think she may be *realizing* it more now that she's experiencing the freedom of life 'unconfined' by the structure of the Guild back home, but I think it was always there.

That is a far better way of putting it. I mean, Inara was friends with Nandi, so she wasn't a complete good girl. But there's things that she just hasn't realized until she found Serenity.

I think there's a lot to suggest that Inara secretly wants a family. The way she is with Kaylee and River is very motherly. The way she's sought out and found a home on Serenity is symbolic that way. But there's also her reaction to Mal when he talks about having children in OMR. I think it's something she wants, and she's distraught because she can't have it, and not JUST because it seems like Mal is with Saffron now. I mean, that doesn't necessarily mean marriage, I guess Inara could be a single mother, but it also seems to me she'd have to care a lot about the father to want to have children with him.

What she doesn't accept are the non-proposals from her clients who want her to become their "personal companion." She boasts about the offers to Mal in Shindig, but I think they actually bother her as much as they bother him, and for the same reason. Because it's not really romantic, and it's not really marriage, just some mockery of it.

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Platonist

Monday, March 08, 2010 - 14:14


I interpret Inara's musings on Simon, as presented here, as if she saw herself as a typical Companion, one that would be happy to retire in the core with a marriage that included social standing, salary, convenience, etc, to a kind and genteel doctor like Simon as a winning situation. But there isn’t anything simple or typical about Inara, and now her life is complicated because she is hopelessly in love with Mal who doesn’t even come close to what a refined Companion would look for in a marriage partner, in the core. If it wasn’t so laughable she would cry. And the real truth of it is she won’t be able to have any of it because of her secret, like Bytemite mentions. Anyway, just my take.

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2x2

Monday, March 08, 2010 - 14:21


I think our interpretations are just subtly different in a few places, but that ends up putting us on different paths.

You see Inara as mothering with Kaylee and River, whereas I see her more as sisterly. You see her seeking out a family and finding it on Serenity, I see her finding something she wasn't even looking for.

As for children, there's allll kinds of interpretations and possibilities there. If Inara really wanted children, I would expect that she'd plan for it, at a certain point in her career, and if she didn't have a suitable partner/client for genetic material, she could always go to a donor clinic, or even another Companion (assuming there are male companions, which I do). We know it's not unheard of for Companions to have children - it's 'the family business' according to Inara.

The 'propsals' I think she just dismisses for the most part, because they're her clients and as such, not 'spouse' material, and most of them she would take as 'serious' but rather her clients just being caught up by the beautiful companion who makes them feel so good... That's my take anyway, but that's because I'm coming from a position where I don't think Inara's looking for marriage, so, we're off on different feet right from the start :o)


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2x2

Monday, March 08, 2010 - 14:23


@ Platonist - I can totally get behind that. That works very well for me :o)


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2x2

Monday, March 08, 2010 - 14:24


sorry, that should say 'most of them she *wouldn't* take as 'serious' up there....

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Bytemite

Monday, March 08, 2010 - 14:38


Dang, Platonist, how many home runs in a row is that now?

So yeah. I don't think she's specifically looking to marry anyone, (not even Mal at this point), and she's never really had anyone in specific in mind. But I think that was something she expected to EVENTUALLY do before/if things hadn't intervened.

But deep down I think this is something she wants (along with children). It's possible, though, that she maybe hasn't quite realized that she wants it. It seems to be subconscious.

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2x2

Monday, March 08, 2010 - 14:48


I could buy that. :o)

But regardless, this is your story, and you'll make it plausible and believable, your way, I have no doubt of that :o)

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Bytemite

Monday, March 08, 2010 - 16:11


Thanks! And I'm going to be looking for your ideas in your next installment of Choices or the Slower Path. :)

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GillianRose

Monday, March 08, 2010 - 16:11


I think the key to Inara's musing about Simon is in the second sentence - the adjectives in the first sentence could well be, "not like Mal, not like Mal, not like Mal, not like Mal, not like Mal." But Inara knows Simon well enough now to know his strength, which is the kind of husband someone facing what she's facing would need far more than good manners and cleverness.

One of the great treats about reading stories here are the awesome comments - and I'm fascinated with the parallels between M/I/S and M/Z/W.

Great chapter, Byte! The first part has me a little mystified - are Lucy and Doctor Alair the same person? What's going on with the bluebirds? The permanent hiberation is creeeepy! I'm wondering a lot here, a LOT, but I'll be patient.

And I love the mere existence of the word antlion in your story - so beautifully bizarre, pitiless, scary!

Also, the out-of-proportion, crazy jealous and not-dealing-well Mal moment when he sees Inara and Simon holding hands is classic, pure Mal.

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Bytemite

Monday, March 08, 2010 - 16:48


Heh, that line of Simon descriptions could also read "denial, denial, denial." Oh yes, she know how she feels, but she is fighting it tooth and nail, trying to focus on the negatives, why Mal is unacceptable. The line about Inara's mother and father also has a little more impact here than you might expect.

Ah ha, you noticed the bluebirds. That'll take some digging, but I think you might be appropriately disturbed when you find it. I'll give you an "ultra"-special hint though.

Join us, GR, join the conversation, you have been absolutely essential in so many ways in forming my ideas. I enjoy hearing yours.

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AnotherSky

Monday, March 08, 2010 - 20:27


Hopefully this won't erase again. I will be specific.

I like the idea of permanent hibernation pods in this--it intersects quite well with the ideas of guilt, stalled relationships and hiding.

"ling zi coat"
I love that Jayne has had it up to here and is complaining on everyone and everything in reach, to the point where the narration seems to almost come back and mock him. I like putting the Jayne section in Jayne's voice.
Things get stalled and Jayne doesn't have any action to focus on, and he starts mocking everybody within reach.
Mal is such a peacock with that coat!

"Dear Simon"
I like Inara ticking off her "ideal mate" list--Simon is a heap of good qualities. In fact, had the situation been different, I think they could have gotten along quite well. Their way of "dealing" with what life has given them seems similar. But Simon also isn't Mal (as in the M/Z/W GR brought up--nice), who breaks in at one of his strongest sore points--plans that always go south. The transition there is nice. I think Inara is bemused at the chemistry between them. Small irony that her <i>job[/j] though of the temporary sort is creating artificial chemistry. For all her control over what she does and doesn't do, her heart seems quite unschooled.

"They're called plans"--this was funny to begin with, but when he modifies it it becomes so much better.

As I said via wave, not quite sure about the "mal storms off" to the end section.

The bluebirds are driving me crazy. Sound morbidly creepifying. Are they an internal reference or something about the show?

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AnotherSky

Monday, March 08, 2010 - 20:30


Also--the River metaphor. Very cute. I want to see what else this antlion does to the plot.

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Bytemite

Tuesday, March 09, 2010 - 05:35


Yay, fixed that annoying part! It's much better now, added the Zoe part. Off on a site visit, see you later this afternoon.

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Bytemite

Tuesday, March 09, 2010 - 10:07


Hmm bluebirds. I think really the only thing I can do is give you the hint I gave GR, it already just about gives everything away if you know what to look for.

Bluebird as I'm using it here is not from Firefly/Serenity, but it is something from reality.

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Aliasse

Tuesday, March 09, 2010 - 12:01


This is what happens when you join in so late - all the best feedback is taken...

I always have to go back to previous chapters - this is one complicated series! And great for it. I agree with Platonist, about the interplay - you give the right weight to all the characters, for me. I wonder what you would have done with Wash and Book? And yah! - are those 'deemed too dangerous' going to be released on unsuspecting innocents? LOVE the wary glance that Simon gives to Jayne - giggled at that.

I read Inara's musing on Simon as a sort of 'I can think about how great and suitable he is because never in a million years would anything actually happen' - it really is just a way of defining Mal by contrast.

The Zoe section at the end I found very, very moving. To hear her talking like that, saying so much in few words, as she would. And I felt - well, happy, that she doesn't blame Mal in any way for what happened to Wash.

There's a sense of being about to plunge into something BIG....!

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Bytemite

Tuesday, March 09, 2010 - 12:58


Actually, I was trying to suggest she DOES blame him. She struggles about blaming everyone. You saw how bitchy her thoughts were in regards to Inara a few chapters ago. But she probably blames herself most of all, and in so many ways, this moment is about Zoe trying to keep a handle on it, trying to direct that blame against those most DESERVING of the blame... And then not acting on it. Which for Zoe is such an incredible step forward. And I have to admit, this was strongly influenced by YOUR chapter with YOUR Zoe all but mutinying on Mal.

Oh, the next chapter is going to be fun. Action, Firefly-esque action COMEDY... Ah. I just hope it doesn't take me forever to write.

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Bytemite

Tuesday, March 09, 2010 - 13:11


But if it makes you feel better, Aliasse, then this blame is just the equal of all the other grief induced blame she has stewing in her. She is aware that it might be a little misplaced, and it's certainly something she can eventually get over.

Because I'm so influenced by your story, I'm not sure how much of that blame is misplaced and how much of it isn't, some of the things Mal did were pretty reckless, and pretty bad. But I think, in the end, revealing Miranda was the right thing to do. It's hard to fault him for that, so it's also hard to fault him for Wash's death, even if a decision he made directly lead to it. It was a suicide mission, and they all signed up.

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Platonist

Tuesday, March 09, 2010 - 16:06


The Mal and Zoe addition fills the gap seamlessly. Zoe blaming others is something I have mixed feelings about, maybe she would do it initially, but then come to the conclusion that it was their choice to stay and follow Mal. And following Mal means that you may die in the line of duty, like Wash did.

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Bytemite

Tuesday, March 09, 2010 - 16:56


Definitely what we see in the movie is Zoe who is trying to go back to a life she knows, a life without Wash, where she is a loyal soldier, strong, not the type to let her emotions get the better of her. And I've tried to show that here, I think Zoe is still very restrained, even if emotions are straining to be released.

But I also think it's impossible that Zoe has never asked herself what if. "What if Simon and River never came aboard?" "What if Mal had run instead of fought?" "What if Wash and I had left to start a family?" And most importantly, "What if I had stopped it?" And that's what I mean about blame.

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AnotherSky

Thursday, March 11, 2010 - 20:06


While we're doing what ifs...what if Zoe had done that passing-responsibility-for-Mal-to-Inara in Mal's presence?

I don't mean permanent responsibility of course, but the way you've done it here, it's almost like a blessing or a soldier's exhortation.

In other news, yay, both much different and I think better than the working ending.

With Platonist, though. I agree with Zoe's sentiment, I just think she wouldn't be so speechy. It would take a bit more goading by Mal for her to get speechy, and then probably in reaction to him.

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AnotherSky

Thursday, March 11, 2010 - 20:07


Speechy about it I mean. She's very visual (and tonal)--maybe do some visual to make up for the speechy?

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