This was chapter orignally supposed to be in Sierra, right before the crew landed. Then I changed some things and put it right after the mule blowing up and Zoe and Wash's fight (and Kaylee was supposed to have the sex mentioning thing with Simon before that as well). But things changed (Kaylee and Simon's scene went to waking up the next morning), and the chapter got cut because I didn't think I needed it, I didn't want something exposed so quickly, and it wasn't going to fit anywhere. Still, it's funny, and think of it as a bonus deleted scene while I work on the new fic Survival.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wash was still up.

It was late, and everyone was tucked in to sleep as he watched the snow fall outside from his pilot’s chair. After his last argument with Zoe over whether or not to bring a little Washburn into the ‘verse, he had to sleep somewhere else again. This particular quibble had gotten her rather angry, and hell hath no fury like his warrior women. As he thought about having a miniature, feisty Zoe clone prattling around the ship, one of the hatches to the crew bunks opened. The strawberry blonde head looked back, he saw it was Gambit, who had taken up residence in the last available bunk. The larger, more muscle bound blonde saw him and padded over in just his pair of buckskins.

“What are you doing up?” Wash asked, as he was in his pajamas as well, those being some flannel plaid pants and a Blue Sun shirt.

Gambit scratched the back of his head and took a seat at the other control station, pulling his shoulder length mane up with a leather strap to keep it out of his face. “Couldn’t sleep.” He let out a gaping yawn and settled into the chair, gazing out into the black sky that was riddled with white snowflakes. “Why are you up?”

“Erm… Couldn’t sleep.” Wash watched the new man on the bridge turn in his seat and look towards the kitchen. Jumping up, Gambit prowled out, and shortly came back with Simon who was in a pair of cotton pants and a long sleeved tee. “How’d you know he was there?”

“You don’t want to know.” Gambit said vaguely as Simon took the chair he had been in and he leaned against the console.

“You two can’t sleep either?” Simon probed as he looked rather restless while gazing out to see the snowfall.

“I guess.” The pilot sighed. “Soo,” He swiveled his chair. “Why can’t we all sleep?”

Gambit and Simon, said nothing.

Wash frowned. “Come on guys, we have this ship all to ourselves and we can’t do some guy talk?”

“I should be able to sleep.” Simon rubbed his eyes as he thought about Kaylee wearing a pair of his pajamas in his room. To him, he knew that was incentive enough to stay down there and enjoy having her nestled in his arms, but what she had uttered had thrown him off.

“What’s guy talk?” Gambit asked, wise to many things but lacking in some social aspects.

“It’s where we all sit and talk about our problems… vent.” Wash explained, looking to the doctor who seemed torn between going back to his bunk and staying.

“I do believe I’d prefer to keep my problems private.” Simon announced defensively.

Gambit’s face clearly said he wasn’t talking.

Wash frowned. Rising up he left the bridge.

The two younger men gave one another the same confused look. However they saw Wash come back, and he plunked down three mugs and a bottle of mudder’s milk that had been picked up in Canton.

“I’m not forcing you two to drink it, but I myself need a drink.” He pulled the cork out and poured a mug of the stuff. “Jayne emptied us out on the sake and the whiskey, I do believe we finished the wine off earlier so this is all that’s left.”

“Mal didn’t buy anything else?” The doctor stared at the earthen bottle as if it was a snake.

Wash shook his head and took a drink. “He’s too cheap. Jayne always buys good whiskey for Christmas so he’s holding out.”

“Fine.” Simon exhaled, taking the mug as he needed a drink.

“What is it?” Gambit asked as he took another mug and sniffed it, grimacing. It smelled worse than the wine.

“Most vile thing you can digest.” The doctor quipped while taking a sip and puckering his face. “Ugghhh.”

The shirtless blonde stared at the mug, then put it to his lips as he decided to be courageous and took a drink. Swallowing, gagging, he looked to his friend his disbelief. “How do you drink this stuff?!”

“I know, it’s aweful.” Wash put the cork in the bottle and took a drink himself. “Just wait for it to kick in, and you’ll be feeling a whole lot better.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They all felt a lot better.

“Ok.” Wash slurred a bit as he turned to his fellow drunken crew members. “Soooo… what are our.. man problems…?”

Simon’s lips tightened. “I’m not drunk enough yet.” He lied as Wash looked a might fuzzy.

“Aw, c’mon.” Wash got up, walked over and closed the door to the bridge. “It’s jus the guys. Gam, what’s your problem?”

“You go first.” Gambit tilted his mug back and guzzled the rest of his milk down.

“Fine.” He plopped down in his chair. “I got woman troubles. Actually… baby troubles.”

Simon coughed on his drink, eyes becoming round like a pair of saucers as he felt a burst of panic while his mind spun. “Zoe’s pregnant?!”

Wash sloshed his head from side to side. “Nooo… she wants a baby tho.” He quirked a brow. “Why’d you get so weirded out by that?”

“Because, I’m not equipped to deal with a pregnancy on the ship…” He titled his head to the side and made a wincing face. “That and I don’t wanna live through Zoe being hormonal for nine months… she scares me already.”

Gambit uncharacteristically snickered. “I second that!”

“Me three.” Wash nodded his head and giggled. “And you guys ain’t married to her.” His face sobered just a bit. “But yeah, she wants a baby… but I don’t want one… well I mean I do…” He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t want anything to happen to her and the baby ya know? It ain’t like we have a danger free job..” He let out a deep breath and looked at them. “So um yeah… that’s my problem…”

“As much as I fear Zoe… you two should have a baby.” Gambit commented brazenly. “I sorta like babies… and I think yours would be cute.”

The doctor made an uncomfortable face. “But I’d have to deliver it.”

“Sucks to be you.”

“Hey!”

The Alliance lab rat laughed, completely out of his natural character due to the imbibe. He laughed so hard he sunk to the floor and sat down as standing was too hard.

Wash laughed along, catching his breath “So that’s my problem… I don’t want you two brain donors solving it…”

“You know, we’re both fairly intelligent ind.. viduals.” Tam countered sourly.

“Yeah but you’re DRUNK. So, what about you guys problem wise?”

“Kaylee.” Simon announced wistfully.

“What about her?”

“She’s perfect… and I’m not.” Staring down into his drink, thinking about everything he continued while his hands fiddled with the handle of the mug. “It’s been going really well. I mean, we’ve been a couple for four whole weeks now.”

“So?”

“Well a few things… first of all, I haven’t said anything offensive in three weeks.” He held up three fingers, gazing at his drinking buddies with less than lucid blue eyes. “Three whooolllle weeks.”

“So you think that,” Gambit furrowed his brows as he pieced it together, his body weaving slightly. “The longer you don’t say something stupid, the worse it’s gonna be when you actually do?”

“Yup.” Simon nodded his head briskly. “I’m terrified to say anything to her… cause I’m gonna screw it up. I know it, I always do and the longer I don’t the worse it’s probably gonna be…. That, and she wants… to do…. Well do…”

“That?” Wash asked.

He nodded his head again. “She mentioned it tonight… and… and how do you tell someone you don’t want to have sex with them?”

“Wait,” The strawberry blonde knit his brows together. “You’re problem, is that someone wants to have sex with you, but you don’t want to have sex?”

“You’re stupid.” Gambit told Simon bluntly.

“I am not!” he toned defensively. “She’s really important to me, and every time I’ve ever been in a relationship where… that… was an issue.. it didn’t last that long.”

“Does.. it.. work?” the blonde asked, hinting to a certain anatomy.

“It works perfectly.” Simon blushed.

“Well are you good at doing.. it?”

“Yeah. I’m pretty damn good if I do say do myself.” He bragged in an intoxicated fashion. “Neverbeenanycomplaints.” Slurring his words together as he was getting agitated about this little investigation directed at his equipment.

“But you still don’t want to sleep with her?”

“We do sleep together, but we jus sleep.” He thumbed back towards the door. “She’s… she’s in my bunk right now.” Cracking a smile. “All swai in my pajamas…”

“Then you’re a moron.”

Simon scowled. “I’m sorry for trying to be a gentleman…”

“You’re not a gentleman if you’re already sharing the same bed with her and you’re not married.” Gambit smacked Simon upside the head like a brother cuffing a brother. He didn’t get it, but then again growing up in a government project didn’t make him wise to the ways of men and women and the courtship dance. The philosophy he had was that if two people consented, they bred, none of the stuff his friend was referring to applied.

“Oh gawd…” Wash paled. “We’re talking about you and Kaylee?! Shang yang ru-fang.” He squinted his eyes shut as he had been slow to the realization. His face pulling into disgust as Kaylee was essentially the baby of the original crew “I don’t need that burned in my brain…”

The doctor rubbed his head and glared at his friend. “Well what’s your problem?!”

“I think I’m in love with Ru.”

Both Wash and Simon, gaped in disbelief.

“We’ve been having sex…”

“You’ve… sex… with Ru?” Wash bumbled.

Gambit smirked a proud, drunken smirk. “At least once a day.” He then frowned. “But I don’t know if she feels the same way or it’s just… you know… it’s just for the sex.”

“You guys hooked up to be sex buddies?” Wash continued in awe of that thought. “Wow… I’ve only heard of that in stories.. but I never believed it…”

The golden head sloppily nodded a yes. “We didn’t think anyone needed to know because it was just too… well… we’re not involved. So we kept it quiet.”

“How do you do that, without having a relationship with the person?” Simon asked in wonder.

Gambit shrugged his shoulders. “How can you sleep with someone without doing it?”

His friend scowled. “Hey, I deserve like a reward or somethin’ for resisting… temptation.” Taking a swallow of his drink he continued. “Do you know how hard it is… not to… feel anything when she lays down in wearing my pajamas? Or when we cuddle and she kisses me goodnight? We’ve been sleeping together for awhile now… couple’a weeks…. I got needs too but I ain’t gonna screw this up.”

“Literally and figuratively.” Gambit teased with a chuckle.

Wash winced as that image came into his mind. “Quit saying that! It burns!… I don’t wanna picture that!”

The blonde picked up the bottle and tossed it to the pilot. “Jus drink some more.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Simon?” Kaylee walked in and saw her boyfriend sitting there with a mug of some mudders milk. She had woken up confused, and alone. Which wasn’t something she had expected considering she had started the night out with her head on his shoulder and his strong arms around her waist.

He looked up and smiled a rather plastered smile. “Hey Kaylee.” Wiggling his fingers as a wave to her as his words slurred. “KayleeBear.”

“You call her Kaylee Bear?” Wash giggled and Gambit followed along.

Simon nodded his head sloppily. “Yup. Cuz of the ‘lil teddy bear patch on her cover… cover…” He stopped and figured the word out. “Coveralls? Yeah…” smiling and nodding his head again. “She’s Kaylee Bear.”

“Are you drunk?” She went over and took the mug from him, sniffed it and grimaced. “Whoa…” Turning to Wash she set the mug down and folded her arms, singling the pilot out for her beau’s current state. “Shen-me wei ni wei? Did you gitt’im drunk?”

Wash held up his thumb and index finger, making the measurement for an inch. “Jus a little…. Teeny tiny bit drunk.”

Simon got up, stood behind the mechanic and wrapped her in his arms, his intoxication shutting off his conscience and what it thought about public displays of affection. “I’m not that hammered.” He smooched her neck and yawned. “Kaylee Bear, why aren’t we in bed? Cause I like when we do that.” Kissing her neck again he smiled and set his chin on her shoulder.

Kaylee rolled her eyes, as he was drunk enough to use ‘hammered’ in his vocabulary and ‘Kaylee Bear’ was a new term of endearment she had never heard him say before. She patted his arm, stepped away from Simon and pulled him back towards his room. “Come on Sweetie, let’s go. We gotta date tomorrow ‘member?”

“That’s a long ways.” He told her, turning back he waved at Gambit and Wash. “G’night fellas.”

“Sweet dreams!” Wash told him as they both gave a single wave. “Looks like it’s jus you ‘n me Gam. Want some more milk?”

“Hell. Yes.”

“Let’s sleep on the couch.” Simon told her in his slurry voice.

“I don’t think so.”

“Why?”

“Cause ya had a panic attack last time when you woke up there.”

“But my room’s aaaalllll the way doooownnn there.” He whined. Seeing her brightly colored door, he stopped and pointed. “Oo. How about we sleep there?”

Kaylee looked at him and saw he wasn’t quite all there. “My room?”

“Yeah, it’s right here.”

“I thought you wanted ta sleep nearby River?”

He dismissed it with a drunken wave of his hand. “Nah, she’ll be fine. She’s sleepin’.”

Kaylee giggled drowsily, “O-k, if ya say so.” opened up her hatch and watched Simon stumble down the ladder.

It was followed by a hollow thunk.

“Owww… my head.” He announced down below. “Hey Kaylee Bear?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t wanna sleep here no more….”

*****

*****

***** TRANSLATIONS *Shang yang ru-fang: Holy sheep breasts

*Shen-me wei ni wei?: What did you do?

_________________________________________ Comments are always appreciated. Positive or negative, I take it all...