The Firefly Fist-fight , time 4 a Bar-room Brawl ?

UPDATED: Saturday, January 8, 2005 16:12
VIEWED: 2952
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Wednesday, August 4, 2004 11:08 PM


Well you know the story, Mal and his crew end up in some bar/establishment and somebody pinches a wallet or some fool says something about the browncoats and suddenly we have a big fight, a riot, a huge brawl... my question is this who can you count on in a fight and who is the tuffest and quickest and strongest fighter in firelfy.

If the gorram chips were down and the room started turing into a crazy fist fight then who could we count on, and which of our champs could get us out of the mess. Who would be firefly's number one fighter that could punch and kick their way out of trouble?

Let's look at some of the folk

Jayne a big merc and great figther, he knows how to be rough and sure can swing a chair like a real hitter, however Jayne isn't that close to firefly so we might not be able to depend on him in a fight.

Inara a well trained lady and highly skilled with a blade, she could likely kill most men if she had a sabre however this isn't a fencing duel it's a bar room brawl with tables, people and chairs flying so Inara may not be much help here

Shepherd, seems like a quiet little preacher but in the first show he took down that Alliance cop real fast and with no weapons, now what kind of preacher man is trained in hand-to-hand ?

Wash, Simon and Kaylee these are some of the smartest and most skilled people on firefly. Trouble is none of them seem to fight much, except Simon does get a little angry when some person tries at river like when he jumped that alliance cop at the start. Wash is pretty quiet although Adelei Niska made Wash furious so this time we saw him real mad, Kaylee might be the quietest of the bunch a big spanner and tool kit could come in handy in a fight however we're unlikely to see these in a bar.

Zoe a fantastic lady and a true fighter, she's a trained soldier and knows how to fight. Zoe will will always be faithful to Serenity and we can count on her to kick some butt in a bar room brawl.

River I suspect this girl could be the most deadly of all the crew, that moment where she looks at Jayne at says I can kill you with my mind ...yikes that's real scary ! Trouble is River might have a super brain but she is a mental case, with real problems most of the time she has trouble doing very simple things so we could hardly count on her in a fight.

Mal may not be a champ boxer or kung-fu expert but he's a true fighter, knows how to get rough and land those punches. Although Mal might not be as big as Jayne, Mal is quick he's got a wise street fighting type of skill sure knows how to dish it out even when he's in a mess with some flesh eating Reaver or stuck in a bar fight.

So in Firefly who is our Champion Fighter ?


Thursday, August 5, 2004 2:39 AM


May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one.

My money is on Zoe. She is as cool and calculating as they come. She is exactly what Wash called her: a warrior woman. She is a veteran soldier, handy w/ a firearm, and as we have seen in the series she is not adverse to getting into the thick of a brawl.

If it came down to it, there is no one on Serenity I would rather had my back than Zoe.

"May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one."


Thursday, August 5, 2004 3:25 AM


Yep, Zoe all the way - cool, professional, and effective.

Loooved the throat-cutting scene from The Message too, Zoe is SCARY badness, yep yep.



Thursday, August 5, 2004 6:31 AM


I think we already have a winner and it's Zoe


Thursday, August 5, 2004 7:43 AM


Zoe, unless River has a gun. Then she's my new best friend.


Thursday, August 5, 2004 8:00 AM


Well the only ones to look at are Book, Mal, Jayne and Zoe.

I pair 'em off

Zoe Vs Jayne - Zoe's gonna win, Jayne's stronger but Zoe's got a pretty big edge with the brain power.

Mal Vs Book - This is hard to call. Mal enjoys the odd fist fight but I'll have to go with Book. I see Mal playing with the fight a little bit and Book'll just end the fight. Points go to the calm, efficient fighter.

so the final round (ding, ding, ding)
Book Vs Zoe - Not sure really how this would go. Zoe's main advantage is stealth, in a fist fight that's not worth too much. Zoe's other advantage is that she's smart but I don't think Book is lacking any mental powers either.

I'm still going to have to pick Book as the grand champ. He's smart, he's had training and quite a few years so build that training.

Think of the old chinese man in the really bad martial arts movies. He's the one you have to watch out for.

or in the case watch out for the white haired man in the corner reading his bible.

That's the setup as I read it.


Thursday, August 5, 2004 10:57 AM


Zoe or Jayne. Zoe's better in military type situations, but Jayne is really good in places where you can hand him a large stick and stand back. So they could be about even.


Thursday, August 5, 2004 3:05 PM


the movie is not the Series. Only the facts have been changed, to irritate the innocent; the names of the actors and characters remain the same


Originally posted by Professor:
Well the only ones to look at are Book, Mal, Jayne and Zoe.

I pair 'em off

I like this idea.


Zoe Vs Jayne -
... snip ...
Mal Vs Book -

On the other hand . . .
Mal v Jayne - they might engage in a barroom brawl for fun; might even do it with each other. I think if they both looked on it as a brawl, Jayne would win. He's bigger, stronger, and more experienced @brawling.
Zoe v Book - while we haven't seen Book brawling with Jayne, that may be because Ron Glass isn't up to the choreography. I don't see it as out of character. But Zoe isn't a brawler; she's a warrior. Neither would enter a fight except to end it. They wouldn't fight each other for fun, so a fight between them would have to result from a terrible revelation about one or the other.

Sorry but, Mal & Jayne are the only two I can see in an extended barroom brawl.

And Simon, with his hands cuffed behind him, took out a guard in Ariel. In another thread, someone refered to him as "putting the sleeper" on the guard. Now, I wasn't sure which of the blue hands guys said (offscreen) "this one's still alive" but, when our view returned to that room, the guard with a pool of blood around his head was the one Jayne fought. I think Simon killed his guard.

Keep the Shiny Side Up

Wutzon: Les Claypool's Frog Brigade, "Thela Hun Ginjeet", from "Live Frogs"


Friday, August 6, 2004 9:38 PM


There's another person who was a tuff puncher n' kicker

The scum bag bounty hunter Early was a darn good fighter, but Mal showed him in the way off Serenity in the end


Sunday, August 8, 2004 9:35 AM


Jayne, he's a brawler who's smart enough to use his environment.

Always a beast, never a burden.


Sunday, August 8, 2004 9:43 AM


Don't forget Rule Number One. (Ask a Terry Pratchett fan)


Sunday, August 8, 2004 10:55 AM




Originally posted by PurpleBelly:
Don't forget Rule Number One. (Ask a Terry Pratchett fan)

Always a beast, never a burden.


Saturday, January 8, 2005 1:47 PM


This may answer the question, Who's the toughest in the 'verse


Saturday, January 8, 2005 2:36 PM



1) I couldn't trust Jayne would always be willing to get my back.
2) Mal likely has his own fight.
3) Book would only step in if necessary to finish the fight
4) Wash would be about as useful as myself
5) River may not be paying attention to what's happening at the moment
6) Simon would certainly try, but he's no Zoe or Jayne in combat
7) Kaylee would be best served going for help


Saturday, January 8, 2005 4:01 PM


In reverse order of usefulness:

9) Kaylee - She'd find it hard enough to decide to hit someone, let alone actually land a punch.
8) Inara - She's more used to men fighting over her than with her.
7) Wash - his most memorable fight scene was being knocked out by Saffron.
6) River - Her super-intelligence would help but her slight build wouldn't.
5) Simon - Remember how he took on the several villagers at once at the end of Safe?
4) Book - He's got a lot of skill and keeps fit but is getting a bit old to be brawling. In his younger days he probably could have kicked everyone's ass.
3) Zoe - She can kill Wash with her pinky.
2) Jayne - In a real battle Zoe would win, but in a brawl I think Jayne has the edge.
1) Mal - You don't start a fight unless you think you'll win and Mal seems to like starting them. Over his life he's probably been in more bar room brawls than the rest of them put together.

Of course in another type of fight things would be quite different.


Saturday, January 8, 2005 4:12 PM


So what's the situation, exactly? Big fight in a bar, everybody's there, it gets dirty and potentially fatal?

Let's see, here's what I think will happen:

Kaylee freezes, can't fight.
Inara likely gets out and drags Kaylee with her.
River can be deadly, but in a busy people-everywhere fight might well freak.
Simon, big on the getting River and himself clear.
Wash makes a heroic effort and is knocked down quick.
Book is pretty spry for an old fella, takes out a fair number.
Mal fights dirty but likes to stay on the front lines and make a spectacle of himself, maybe takes some wounds, probably keeps fighting throughout.
Jayne fights very loud and has an impressive body count by the end of the fight.
Zoe kicks some serious butt; she doesn't love a brawl like Mal or Jayne but owns the field if the object is to get the fight over with. She will do whatever it takes to come out winning.

I vote Zoe.






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