Teeny tiny panicky fits while sitting in one's bedroom are not good. by Eloisa

GENERAL DISCUSSIONS

Teeny tiny panicky fits while sitting in one's bedroom are not good.

POSTED BY: ELOISA
UPDATED: Tuesday, July 18, 2006 03:52
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VIEWED: 2121
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Saturday, July 15, 2006 3:04 PM

So I'm sitting on my big comfy armchair in front of my PC reading threads on this site (as I often do), and I come across one tiny mention of original fiction writing (and let's face it, there are many), and Elly-the-psychological-hypochondriac promptly changes tab to Google the symptoms of panic attacks because these are getting more and more annoying and there's b*gger all I can do to calm myself down.

*deep breath*

Elevated heartbeat. Slight dizziness. Random flushes. Shaking, difficulty breathing, feeling of impending doom. I feel like I'm going insane... and it's entirely my own fault.

*deep breath again*

Still not working, curse it.

You see... I write. Have done for more than half my life. Never bothered much about the details, just got on with it, due to being hooked on the characters (for instance, the only reason you can't say the protagonist's motto is "I aim to misbehave" is that she doesn't know what behaving is in the first place). Now, though, I'm feeling like I'm in a hole about as deep as the pit between Cania and Nessus in the D&D cosmology, only one that I dug myownself.

About four years ago I decided I needed a bit of advice and started sticking some of my original fiction on a (then members-only) writing group. Did the whole thing of checking first with a publisher my sister knew personally to see if having had a story online automatically barred it from publication or anything - she said not so long as I removed it before sending it to anyone. Fair enough. It was book 3 of a series, anyway, and seeing as I had to completely revise books 1 and 2, they would take an inordinate time to complete, so I had nothing to worry about.

I'm currently three quarters of the way through book 1, and not a happy bunny.

If not for some things that got said in that writing group there's no way that what I'm doing at the moment would be as good as it is. I am entirely certain of that. The things I need to improve I'm still improving, and will have to again, but I wouldn't have even noticed them if nobody had pointed them out at the time. Thing is, though I write for my enjoyment - I couldn't if I didn't - I want to get my books published. I want to share the joy. The ability to work less and write more would be pretty fantastic too - who wouldn't think so, to be honest? - but none of this works if the whole thing goes down the pan because the publisher I spoke to was wrong.

Pessimism is not good for the soul, nor, by the way I'm going, is it good for the asthma meds. Nothing may go wrong. Everything may go swimmingly right. The problem is that I lack evidence for this. The immediate problem is that it's 2am, I'm gritty-eyed, I'm tired, and there's no way I can sleep with this pain in my flipping chest.

Encouragement? Home-grown medical advice? Please?

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Saturday, July 15, 2006 3:13 PM

BIGWOLF18

stop working, get some sleep, and try to relax, theres always tomorrow to work on your book, which im sure will be shiney.

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the following people kick pigu! terry pratchett, nathan fillion, jewel staite, antonio banderas, liam neeson and finally joss whendon himself!

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Saturday, July 15, 2006 3:16 PM

FUTUREMRSFILLION

As someone who has asthma and panic attacks- you have to tell yourself that "it" *whatever is making you panicy) is NOT IMPORTANT and you have to believe it. I also walk aroung telling myself breathe in breathe out. Someone on here told me to purse my lips and blow out as long as I could and then take in a breath and do it again and again, sounds silly - but it helps calm me down.

Second DO NOT take too much of the inhaler - it can damage the lungs as I have found.

Third - you should be writing for yourself and F

k what anyone thinks. You have to be happy with what you are writing.

I don't know what else to tell you.

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Saturday, July 15, 2006 3:21 PM

SAVEWASH

Now I am learning about scary.

Keep writing! This is what gives your life more meaning. (I write, too, so I know how important it can be.)

Are there places for you to post questions to your writing group? If so, could you post the question about whether you can publish your work? Surely this question has come up before on that site and they can reassure you. Otherwise, you might try some other writing sites, which may have advice about this question.

Please don't think that your panic attacks are your fault! They may actually have nothing to do with your current confusion. Sometimes these things happen randomly because of a chemical imbalance. I urge you to see a doctor, who might be able to help you. I had panic attacks once before in my life, so I know how frightening they are. There is no reason to feel ashamed. I took a little medication for a while and have since stopped taking it; there have been no further attacks. You can beat this, especially with a little professional help. Please ask your doctor.

Best of luck to you and let us know how it's going.

"We need to keep our heads so we can ... keep our heads."

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Saturday, July 15, 2006 3:42 PM

ELOISA

Whew. Breathing exercises and a little walking around the flat at least have made the chest feel better without recourse to steroid overdoses (FMF, my current doctor recently told me I could take five times my usual "emergency dose" if necessary; maybe I need a new doctor). The rest... I tend to think that if something physical is being caused or exacerbated by something psychological, I need to treat the root cause instead of the symptom. In this instance, finishing the book would take too long (i.e. several months). Therefore, I'm going to fall back on the usual option and (wo)manfully forget about it. Until next time.

The problem is, I think, that in this one respect only I'm too reminiscent of aforesaid protagonist.
“I know I’m good. I’m going to get better. I’m going to be the best there is.”

There's a distinction between writing the way someone else thinks I should write and writing a way that, objectively speaking, I think I should write. In this particular instance, I went through a sizeable chunk of output without actually describing any of the locations and many of the people at all, and my beta-reader (sister) hadn't picked up on it as she was too used to my writing. As she recently pointed out, it's a minor miracle that for an author who spends a lot of time in deep third person subjective, I hadn't even made it clear a lot of the time how physical setting made the characters feel. That, I know I can do, even if my descriptive writing tends to be lists of adjectives (well, they're better than adverbs).

Perfection is impossible and chasing it just makes people unhappy. Therefore, I'm trying to be the best that I can be. This includes published... and I'm not going to think about that anymore tonight!

Thank you all, and apologies for rant. See you in the morning.

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Saturday, July 15, 2006 8:13 PM

RMMC

If, as you stated, this is a 'members only' ie: a closed writing list (no one outside the group has access), I don't think you have anything to worry about. What you're basically doing, is taking part of an online writer's group. I shouldn't think the publishing rules would be different for that than it would be if the group were meeting physically and exchanging printed copies of chapters, etc for critiques.

I know of several published authors who belong to a writer's group and it has not affected their being able to publish works that were presented to the group (in whole or part) for the purpose of getting helpful feedback.

If you're still unsure, do something now that you'll definitely need later: talk to an agent. If you do plan on writing professionally, having an agent will be an absolute must.

For the panic attacks...I hope you feel better. I've had a few in the past, and yeah, they are scary things. *hugs*

*****
RMMC

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Saturday, July 15, 2006 9:49 PM

CALHOUN

I suggest reducing your self medication dosage.

Hell!, It worked for me..

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Saturday, July 15, 2006 11:10 PM

SPACEANJL

See, this is why I write fanfic, as well as my original stuff.

You can hone techniques and practise your writing style, even find places for random ideas that need to be written but perhaps don't fit in the major scheme of your own stuff. Because you are writing in a forum where you are using someone else's playthings in the first instance, there is no comeback. (Drawback is when some unscrupulous object nicks your plotline, but they don't make cash off it either so, meh...)

I'm paranoid about my original ideas, I have to say, so it suits me. I can play around with things, keep my brain active, and not worry if I have a particularly shiny idea that I might want to foist on a paying public one day.

Incidentally, I'm here because I wrote most of a book, then found almost the same plotline in a pulp 50's sub-Conan thing. Cue two year writing drought, until rescued by the shininess of both Whedon and Rowling. I have started to overhaul the first chapters again.

I would agree with some other folk here, too. Agents are good. But the key to it all will be good editors. (I used to work in publishing - you would be surprised at the difference between first draft and publication...)

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Saturday, July 15, 2006 11:11 PM

MAGDALENA

"No power in the 'verse can stop me!"

Hey Eloisa!

I too have panic attacks - often in the most unexpected moments! Yes - you are doing the right things as far as I can tell! First of all it is awesome that you've reached out to the Browncoat family you have on the 'net and also it's helpful to discuss things away from the source of your distress (in your case the writing forum)! I have joined, and drifted away from, so many online communities but this one is so special! People are sl happy to have fellow-fans of Joss Whedon and his work etc. I feel priveleged to be part of the 'family' that you have reached out to!

Hope you're feeling so much more relaxed and refreshed when you read this - I have found it is seriously a good idea (yes, I am also a creative-writer and artistic-type-person) to say "I'm taking X hours off from this - I will return to it at (eg:4.30) tomorrow" and then stick to it! Put your fears and concerns aside until 4.30 tomorrow and when they surface you tell them (mentally of course) I'm sorry you'll have to wait for your appointment" and push them away again! (thank goodness we haven't had any lobes stripped!!!) It actually works! I also get the panic's in the middle of the night when I cannot do anything about my problems because everyone else is asleep! (& not working) but remember that there's nothing you can do at this moment and 'step aside'.

Sending you heaps of love and internet hugs from 'Down Under' - Magdalena x x x

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Saturday, July 15, 2006 11:14 PM

PHOENIXROSE

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Fortunately for the middle-of-the-nighters, there is always family here, though they be on the other side of the world.

to all freaked out writers, past, present, and future. Writing is wonderful, just remember that.
Also, this might amuse you:

**********************************

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Sunday, July 16, 2006 1:35 AM

MAGDALENA

"No power in the 'verse can stop me!"

Quote:
Originally posted by PhoenixRose:
Also, this might amuse you:

LOL!! Could amuse me for hours - that one!!

Lovin' you! - Magdalena x x

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Sunday, July 16, 2006 5:09 AM

ELOISA

Hey, all. Feeling far better this afternoon. Thank you again for propping me up last night -

to all of you.

SpaceAnJL, I had an eighteen-month drought about five years ago that I cured with FFVIII fanfic (two fan novellas, c.70K each, and in the past four years since then about 400K original, thank God). I've always thought of fanficcing as a universal playground and some of the best practice in the 'verse for plot and dialogue if not for world-building. I live in hope that if I write enough fanfic short stories I'll learn how to write original shorts - they're more saleable than novels, if (to me) less enjoyable. Best of luck with your rewrite. You never know, it might end up improving for the extra perspective you've got on it - I've been there, and feel that rewriting can be a chance to turn a lot of negatives into a lot more positives.

RMMC, I was thinking just about the same thing re. agents, just was rather unsure about submitting a half-completed first draft to anyone, agent or publisher. If I'm lucky and get time to myself this summer, it might not take me too long to at least get to the end of the plot of my volume 1, though I will need to work some more on the subplot strands.

*squees at and saves the unsmiley* Phoenixrose, where did you find it?

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Sunday, July 16, 2006 5:16 AM

PHOENIXROSE

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Actually EmmaRigby gets full credit for finding that particular little guy. I would assume somewhere on photobucket, as that is where most smileys/emotes are found, but I'm not sure. She is frustrated over her essay, so she posted it and I immediately pounced on it; it's something every writer in the world can relate to I think!

**********************************

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Sunday, July 16, 2006 5:49 AM

CYBERSNARK

A trick I've found helps to deal with "am I good enough" stress is to calmly think out the worst-case scenario, and pre-plan your options.

You send it to a publisher, they tell you it's crap. No problem; whinge, have a few drinks, maybe make some tweaks (after the drinks have worn off, of course

), and send it to another publisher. Repeat as necessary.

Check out how many times some of the greats got rejected before making their reps.

Hell, think of how Firefly was raped by Fox, cancelled, and rejected by everyone Joss turned to for a continuation.

Plain and simple fact is, your story could be the next Firefly-level Big Thing, even if "those who know better" tell you it isn't.

You have fans out there, just waiting to get hooked on your stuff. Don't let them down.

-----
We applied the cortical electrodes but were unable to get a neural reaction from either patient.

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Sunday, July 16, 2006 6:10 AM

PENGUIN

Quote:
Originally posted by magdalena:
Quote:
Originally posted by PhoenixRose:
Also, this might amuse you:

LOL!! Could amuse me for hours - that one!!

Lovin' you! - Magdalena x x

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Sunday, July 16, 2006 1:08 PM

ELOISA

Quote:
Originally posted by Cybersnark:
A trick I've found helps to deal with "am I good enough" stress is to calmly think out the worst-case scenario, and pre-plan your options.

You send it to a publisher, they tell you it's crap. No problem; whinge, have a few drinks, maybe make some tweaks (after the drinks have worn off, of course ), and send it to another publisher. Repeat as necessary.

Check out how many times some of the greats got rejected before making their reps.

Hell, think of how Firefly was raped by Fox, cancelled, and rejected by everyone Joss turned to for a continuation.

Plain and simple fact is, your story could be the next Firefly-level Big Thing, even if "those who know better" tell you it isn't.

You have fans out there, just waiting to get hooked on your stuff. Don't let them down.

The problem is that I snowball things from "the worst that can happen is I don't get published first time out" to "the worst that can happen is I never get published and lose my entire reason for living", which ain't a great place to be.

the psychological crappiness of life.

On the other hand, written 2k this afternoon and evening, in a spirit of great industriousness and excessive bounciness. Hurrah. The future virtual fans may exist after all.

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Sunday, July 16, 2006 1:25 PM

TEACHDAIRE

You just need to remember what my pshrink once said to me.

"If you think you might be having a panic attack, you're not, but the idea of one will bring it on."

In other words, if you're not worrying about panicing, you won't.

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Sunday, July 16, 2006 5:19 PM

RMMC

Quote:
Originally posted by Eloisa:
Hey, all. Feeling far better this afternoon. Thank you again for propping me up last night - to all of you.

Yea!!! Glad you feel better!

Quote:
Originally posted by Eloisa:
RMMC, I was thinking just about the same thing re. agents, just was rather unsure about submitting a half-completed first draft to anyone, agent or publisher. If I'm lucky and get time to myself this summer, it might not take me too long to at least get to the end of the plot of my volume 1, though I will need to work some more on the subplot strands.

You may want to get it finished first at least a first draft, but done. What the agent or publisher may want is a outline and a first chapter submission, so be prepared for that.

Also, you didn't say what type of fiction you're writing, but if it's SF you may want to try to go the World Con (in LA at the end of this month http://www.worldcon.org/ ) where you can talk with lots of folks in the business (other authors, agents, publishers) and get an idea of what you need etc. Asking other authors how some of that works and how they get in would probably be helpful.

Fantasy has it's own world convention in November in Austin, TX. http://www.worldfantasy.org/

Good luck!! *hugs*

******
RMMC

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Monday, July 17, 2006 2:42 AM

MAGDALENA

"No power in the 'verse can stop me!"

Quote:
Originally posted by Penguin:
Quote:
Originally posted by magdalena:
Quote:
Originally posted by PhoenixRose:
Also, this might amuse you:

LOL!! Could amuse me for hours - that one!!

Lovin' you! - Magdalena x x

OK Penguin ... I'm officially amused for a week now!! LOL!!

Lovin' You! - Magdalena x x

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Tuesday, July 18, 2006 3:52 AM

ELOISA

Quote:
Originally posted by RMMC:
Also, you didn't say what type of fiction you're writing, but if it's SF you may want to try to go the World Con (in LA at the end of this month http://www.worldcon.org/ ) where you can talk with lots of folks in the business (other authors, agents, publishers) and get an idea of what you need etc. Asking other authors how some of that works and how they get in would probably be helpful.

Fantasy has it's own world convention in November in Austin, TX. http://www.worldfantasy.org/

I write science-fantasy - i.e. spaceships, interstellar travel and magicians making a mess of things at the same time (in some instances prompting technological advancement by doing so

). I guess that's SF in the main. Being British, LA's a heck of a way, and the idea of going to any convention's never been on my radar...

The problem is that now you've suggested this to me I may try to go. The last time someone made that kind of comment to me, my best friend and I went 700 miles north to the top of the UK by train, bus and boat for a one-night concert. The £ is ridiculously strong against the $ at the moment, which makes the travelling idea even more tempting.

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