Male and Female Imponderables--Friends, Romans, Countrymen... by Tristan

GENERAL DISCUSSIONS

Male and Female Imponderables--Friends, Romans, Countrymen...

POSTED BY: TRISTAN
UPDATED: Monday, July 10, 2006 02:37
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VIEWED: 14802
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Saturday, July 8, 2006 12:24 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Whitefall:
Woot to meeting of browncoats!

Woot!

Quote:
Originally posted by Whitefall:
Actually, i've a question... for a long time I've been thinking, this whole deal with honesty in relationships, why don't people just tell their SO everything... I don't know exactly, but sort of like the old "I statement" thing about how you feel. If folk were to just sit down and talk about troubles from both sides, with some semblance of civility, and acknowledge that both parties have valid concerns... is that being honest, or is that giving too much info?

It comes down to trust. If you're sure you can trust your SO, then yes, absolutely, share everything. If you can't, then it's, well, less than wise. The difficulty is in knowing when you can trust someone. For me, that's not possible any more.

I KNEW I could trust my wife. KNEW it, right down to my bones. There was NOTHING I was more sure of. I shared EV-ERY-THING with her. The thing was, you see, that I was wrong. Being wrong cost me more than I was prepared to accept. There was money, of course, and lots of it, and that's no small thing. But infinitely worse than that, it cost me my ability to trust. There is now no one in the world I am able to trust entirely.

When you're that sure of something and it betrays you, a part of you is destroyed forever.

--
"That's what government's for: get in a man's way." - Mal

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Saturday, July 8, 2006 2:55 PM

COPILOT

On the issue of trust. Yes trust is important. It's important to know that you can only trust a human to be a human. Humans are self serving creatures. That was my only point.

Now on to the happy. I met a boy I like. Yay! The wierdest thing is since we kissed I havn't wanted to be touched by anyone else. I have never experienced that before. My urge to tackle random people on the street has disapated. I feel happy and well....downright giddy. I smiled for so long I thought my face was going to crack. The thing is I wasn't expecting this at all. He's supposed to be the rough and tumble womanizing ass and he's the sweetest boy I've ever met! I expected sex out of him and when we were in bed he really only wanted to kiss and cuddle! I think I'm falling for him. This is nuts he's the exact opposite of what I generally go for. Smart nerdy boys out. Big dumb handy guys in. Yay! Nothing quite like a smart nerdy boy to make a girl feel like the stupid vile scum on the bottom of his shoe.

An I carried such a torch

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Saturday, July 8, 2006 3:39 PM

STILLFLYIN

If you think that a smart boy makes you feel like vile scum, than you clearly have been dating some boys who are not as smart as they make themselves out to be. Intelligence is not merely the the accumulation of facts but the ablility to observe and react to the subtleties of the world. And anyone who would make someone feel like shoe scum is not someone who can understant subtleties. And someone who may not be a fountain of factual information but can see when a person is hurting or in need of a friend or simply a shoulder to cry on is truly intelligent.

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Saturday, July 8, 2006 3:46 PM

WHITEFALL

Wow StillFlyin', don't recall ever having heard that put better.

"But, these strong women characters?"

"Why aren't you asking 100 other guys why they don't write strong women characters?" -Joss Whedon

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Saturday, July 8, 2006 3:56 PM

MSG

Copilot- so happy for you sweety. You deserve this in a big way:) HUGS

Yeah the Utah Browncoates monthly shindig was lovely...food, fun people, time spent hanging out, talking, shopping, and just having fun:)

Must be the day for happy news...I switched school districts after 7 years in ( oh let's just say it) endless and relentless torture and pain from management who was so actively hostile and retaliatory to our special ed teachers that our union had a file drawer set aside every year to fill with that year's complaints about their mistreatment of teachers...I just set up with this new district and it's like nirvana. They are nice to me and instead of forced training on subjects unrelated to what I teach and endless rounds of meetings where we are critcized and threatened...the new district sent me a lovely list to choose from of trainings I might want to ( notice no strong arm or force ) attend if they interest me and offered to pay me for my time...WOW never had that happen. Don't know what I shall do with all this kindness and respect. Not even sure if I know how to deal with it:) but it'll be fun finding out!

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Saturday, July 8, 2006 4:45 PM

JAMESTHEDARK

All I can say toward the trust comment:

I'm with you, bud.

Oh, and congrats Copilot on your recent acquisition. I'd talk more, but it's midnight, and I'm tired.

--------------
I ain't lookin' for help from on high. That's a damn long wait for a train don't come.

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Saturday, July 8, 2006 4:48 PM

WHITEFALL

Lol, MSG, that's great, but it sounds like a lot of bad fiction i've read... it's... TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!! *dun dun duuun*

But if you really arent sure what you'll do with all the consideration... just keep up that awesome-teacher work, and maybe be a better teacher/happier person for the extra consideration.

Now come on folks, keep the good news rolling!

"But, these strong women characters?"

"Why aren't you asking 100 other guys why they don't write strong women characters?" -Joss Whedon

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Saturday, July 8, 2006 5:22 PM

MSG

Thanks whitefall...I guess it just throws me off when district people are nice...I've had my old ones actually call me a bitch in front of my class..One of them was also a prof. of mine and she would deliberately lose my papers so I eventually had to get people in class to verify me turning them in...I could go on and on with the horror...so even if this new district is just reasonably polite and doesn't openly thwart and terrorize me it's an improvements:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

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Saturday, July 8, 2006 5:42 PM

WHITEFALL

Gorramit MSG, someone should give you a medal!

Or, well... maybe someone just did, indirect like. What goods a medal anyhoo.

"But, these strong women characters?"

"Why aren't you asking 100 other guys why they don't write strong women characters?" -Joss Whedon

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Saturday, July 8, 2006 9:36 PM

PHOENIXROSE

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

*Sigh* Sleep is good.

Ah, trust and sharing. Yes, I think that you should be able to just sit down with a SO and say "I am feeling this way." It's actually important to put it that way, rather than "You are making me feel thus and so." because that crosses a line into accusation wich makes people defensive and unwilling to work through things.
No, nothing should be too much information.
As was stated, when that kind of openess and trust is betrayed it... Well it sucks a lot. I've so far in my life tried to be as open as possible with anyone I dated, and have gotten better at expressing myself so I'm understood. Yes, I've felt betrayed every time I was... Well, betrayed. But that only meant that I could never trust them again. This is why I'm not on very good terms with any ex. But I tried to remember that it was just those particular people who had done it, and I tried to keep myself open to new people. Somtimes it took a long time to open up again.
And here's the thing; being honest early on has a great advantage. There was this guy I saw briefly before I met my Ex of Doom, and we met over the internet and only went out a few times and talked on the phone a lot. I didn't see any reason not to talk about what I got up to and how I was. Well, at one point he kind of burst out with "Wow! ...You're a real freak!" That was followed by a rather nasty silence, I must admit. And I didn't really talk to him again after that. Anyway here's my point: It's better that we both found out before we actually got involved that he thought I was a little out there. If I had tried to hide some things that would come out later, it might have been a lot messier. As it was, I didn't have an emotional investment yet and could cut ties with him fairly easily.
Anyway, that's my story. And I'm going to stick with what I've done so far to make sure someone can accept me before I invest myself. And once I'm really with someone, I'm going to be as open as possible, because otherwise it's not as good. None of it.

If nothing else, I want anyone who had me to look back after dealing with a half-dozen shut off and sulky women and say "Wow, Rose was really open about this kind of thing. I guess I didn't realize what I had..."

Best revenge in the world

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Sunday, July 9, 2006 1:15 AM

PHOENIXROSE

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

Who needs a medal when there are trophies?

Very happy to hear you're in a better place, dear.

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Sunday, July 9, 2006 2:19 AM

TRISTAN

Morning, all!

Trust is an important part of any relationship. Without it, there can't really be much of a relationship at all. As far as the communication thing goes, it is sometimes easier said than done. I have had conversations with SO's wherein I thought we had resolved issues, settled problems, and established our "stances" on certain things, only to find out I was misunderstood. I try, with my wife, to talk about everything going on in my head; everything I feel impacts us as a couple. We are doing pretty good in the conversation part, but we still need a little work. Piz, I am sorry you ended up in the position you are in...I hope time will heal things for you...that, and finding the right SO!

Copilot, congrats on finding someone! I do have to agree with the other opinions on this board regarding people you have dated in the past. You aer far too smart yourself to ever be put in a situation like that.

MSG, Woo-hooh on the move! Glad it happened to you, but sort of sad the problem still exists in the other district. Go get 'em!

I agree with PR. The trust is just broken between yourself and the other who betrayed you; not the entire world...I had that problem in the beginning, blaming all females for the betrayal of one. I am happy to say I got over that when I was about 16, though. I love everyone except those that betray my trust.

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Sunday, July 9, 2006 1:43 PM

WHITEFALL

Hmmm...... so, what can we ponder now?

All that varying gender stuff, we must be able to think of something... um....

RIVER IS MADE OF CHOCOLATE!!!

ARE YOU?

Ok, that's all I got for now.

"But, these strong women characters?"

"Why aren't you asking 100 other guys why they don't write strong women characters?" -Joss Whedon

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Sunday, July 9, 2006 11:22 PM

PHOENIXROSE

You think you know--what's to come, what you are. You haven't even begun.

I am not made of chocolate, though I do not object to playing with it.

Is that all I missed?! Where is everyone?

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Monday, July 10, 2006 2:37 AM

TRISTAN

Morning, all!

Seems to have been a bit dead this weekend. I'll start a new thread to get everyone going again. Be right back with the link.

http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=22158

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