GENERAL DISCUSSIONS

The Evil Doctor Answers Your Problems

POSTED BY: SIMONWHO
UPDATED: Wednesday, August 31, 2005 05:32
SHORT URL:
VIEWED: 7297
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Sunday, August 14, 2005 10:00 AM

SIMONWHO


Hello there. I am the evil incarnation of Simon Who, last seen fading back into his subconscious on the Treehouse threads. However, I've now been accepted into a day release schedule to help the community.

Therefore, I am obliged to ask you if you have any problems that you wish me to help with. Boyfriend trouble, worries about the future or even just a bunion that you want to get rid of, just post your question here and I will do my level best to put an end to your misery. In fact, that's a promise.


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Sunday, August 14, 2005 11:11 AM

EMBERS


I'm a little nervous about bringing my problem to you...
I'm afraid you'll fix my problem in the same way that Adam intended to remove Spike's chip

Select to view spoiler:


by removing his head


however...if you promise to be gentle with me
then you'll find it here:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/embers_log/2005/08/14/
how can one reinstall a browser without reloading the entire system's disk?



Join my crew: Fairfield Fireflies
(Middle-aged Midwesterners looking for more crew or passengers)
http://browncoats.serenitymovie.com/serenity/index.html?fuseaction=gro
ups.main&searchby=F

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Sunday, August 14, 2005 11:44 AM

PSYCHICRIVER


Well my feet do hurt but I have bigger problems.

I want you to assassinate my boss.

PsychicRiver

"Two by two, hands of blue."
"We'll take care of each other. I'll knit!"

Summer Glau to me - "You are so photogenic."

Me -

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Sunday, August 14, 2005 11:53 AM

BATMARLOWE


I thought you could do that with your brain.

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Sunday, August 14, 2005 12:06 PM

SIMONWHO


Quote:

Originally posted by embers:

how can one reinstall a browser without reloading the entire system's disk?



Bwahahaha! Why would I help you in your fight against Microsoft? Don't you I consider Bill Gates to be a spritual ally?

Oh, all right then. Here's your first lesson: F*** Internet Explorer. You want:

http://www.mozilla.org/products/firefox/

Much better, cleaner, nicer, stronger, safer. It even looks vaguely like Internet Explorer so you shouldn't get too anxious.

Now begone before I infect your system with Windows Media Player 11 alpha.

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Sunday, August 14, 2005 12:07 PM

SIMONWHO


Quote:

Originally posted by PsychicRiver:

I want you to assassinate my boss.



All right, now we're talking! Who, when, where and over how many hours should this death take place?

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Sunday, August 14, 2005 12:44 PM

EMBERS


Quote:

Originally posted by SimonWho:
Quote:

Originally posted by embers:

how can one reinstall a browser without reloading the entire system's disk?



F*** Internet Explorer. You want:
http://www.mozilla.org/products/firefox/]

Woo Hoo! It is skittish, but beats havin' nothin'.
You are a God!

Join my crew: Fairfield Fireflies
(Middle-aged Midwesterners looking for more crew or passengers)
http://browncoats.serenitymovie.com/serenity/index.html?fuseaction=gro
ups.main&searchby=F

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Sunday, August 14, 2005 12:55 PM

PSYCHICRIVER


Quote:

Originally posted by SimonWho:
Quote:

Originally posted by PsychicRiver:

I want you to assassinate my boss.



All right, now we're talking! Who, when, where and over how many hours should this death take place?



Okay, er, Matalan, Bognor Regis, the one with the wart...and make it slow. Oh, and punish her, make sure its clear she's not in authority.

Okay, so yes this is cruel, but I'm allowed!! I failed the doctors psycho analyst test, didn't I? So I'm excused.

PsychicRiver

"Two by two, hands of blue."
"We'll take care of each other. I'll knit!"

Summer Glau to me - "You are so photogenic."

Me -

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Sunday, August 14, 2005 1:23 PM

SIMONWHO


Quote:

Originally posted by PsychicRiver:

Okay, er, Matalan, Bognor Regis, the one with the wart...and make it slow. Oh, and punish her, make sure its clear she's not in authority.

Okay, so yes this is cruel, but I'm allowed!! I failed the doctors psycho analyst test, didn't I? So I'm excused.



Bognor Regis? You expect me to travel all the way to Bognor Regis? To kill just one person? In the words of his Majesty the King George the Fifth "Bugger Bognor".

Besides, killing someone is such an inelegant way of solving a problem, it shows... a lack of imagination. I recommend posting to her a free sample of Wartzaway, a revolutionary new skin cream that dramatically reduces warts (I'll send you a bottle). Then I recommend you phone her superiors at Matalan HQ, stating that she seems to be acting in an "unstable manner." One drug test later, she is out on her ear, and you can make a powerplay, having now gained the respect of head office as "the anti-drug kid".

Soon, your empire of cut price clothing will grow. Today, you'll have Bognor. Tomorrow, Arundel. The day after that, Hemel Hempsted. Just remember who put you on this path. We'll talk money later.

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Sunday, August 14, 2005 6:50 PM

THATWEIRDGIRL


As I'm measuring out a dose of the pink stuff, i notice the label states an expiration date of 11/2004. Is it still drinkable? I mean my stomach is already upset, will bad medicine make it worse?

www.thatweirdgirl.com
---
"...turn right at the corner then skip two blocks...no, SKIP, the hopping-like thing kids do...Why? Why not?"

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Sunday, August 14, 2005 9:55 PM

FRAY101


I was so relived to see it was you who'd posted this thread - would hate to think there was another "evil doctor" out there...

Sadly, your web of lies has been revealed - you're not evil at all, you're a cuddly fluffy bunny with a fuzzy heart of gold and we shindiggers all want to marry you!

_____________________________________

Visit the Browncoats' Photo 'Verse at http://disneypix.tripod.com/photoverse

Over 200 Serenity screencaps now available at www.destinything.com.

www.cafepress.com/fireflyclass

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Sunday, August 14, 2005 10:02 PM

THATWEIRDGIRL


Quote:

Originally posted by fray101:
Sadly, your web of lies has been revealed - you're not evil at all, you're a cuddly fluffy bunny with a fuzzy heart of gold and we shindiggers all want to marry you!


Did he reveal himself at last? Though not a shindigger, i'd like to be added to the list...

www.thatweirdgirl.com
---
"...turn right at the corner then skip two blocks...no, SKIP, the hopping-like thing kids do...Why? Why not?"

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Sunday, August 14, 2005 10:15 PM

SIMONWHO


I cannot be held responsible for my good side's actions, I'm purely here to provide a service and that service is evil solutions to your everyday problems. For example:

Quote:

Originally posted by thatweirdgirl:
As I'm measuring out a dose of the pink stuff, i notice the label states an expiration date of 11/2004. Is it still drinkable? I mean my stomach is already upset, will bad medicine make it worse?



I think you should think of it like this: what's the worst that could happen? It could have fermented in the bottle, causing a new compound that reacts with the acid in your stomach, turning it into a superacid. Your organs get consumed and you expire horribly over a period of several days.

So, in conclusion, drink up and add to my medical knowledge one way or the other. Don't be such a chicken, you owe it to science to find out.

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Monday, August 15, 2005 12:13 AM

PSYCHICRIVER


Quote:

Originally posted by SimonWho:
Quote:

Originally posted by PsychicRiver:

Okay, er, Matalan, Bognor Regis, the one with the wart...and make it slow. Oh, and punish her, make sure its clear she's not in authority.

Okay, so yes this is cruel, but I'm allowed!! I failed the doctors psycho analyst test, didn't I? So I'm excused.



Bognor Regis? You expect me to travel all the way to Bognor Regis? To kill just one person? In the words of his Majesty the King George the Fifth "Bugger Bognor".

Besides, killing someone is such an inelegant way of solving a problem, it shows... a lack of imagination. I recommend posting to her a free sample of Wartzaway, a revolutionary new skin cream that dramatically reduces warts (I'll send you a bottle). Then I recommend you phone her superiors at Matalan HQ, stating that she seems to be acting in an "unstable manner." One drug test later, she is out on her ear, and you can make a powerplay, having now gained the respect of head office as "the anti-drug kid".

Soon, your empire of cut price clothing will grow. Today, you'll have Bognor. Tomorrow, Arundel. The day after that, Hemel Hempsted. Just remember who put you on this path. We'll talk money later.



Sounds good. I like it indeed!!

PsychicRiver

"Two by two, hands of blue."
"We'll take care of each other. I'll knit!"

Summer Glau to me - "You are so photogenic."

Me -

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Monday, August 15, 2005 7:44 AM

KNIBBLET


Doctor,
I'm having a little trouble getting going in the morning after sitting up all night watching my first season Battlestar Gallactica DVDs. Is it my advancing age? Am I over the hill at 43?

http://tv.groups.yahoo.com/group/MN-Firefly/

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Monday, August 15, 2005 8:08 AM

SERENITYPUNK


Dear Dr SP

I allowed a Chav into my home at the weekend, is there anything I can do to shake off this dirty feeling ive got

=================================================
Carol
Pirate Steve defines the word cool.....
http://www.freewebs.com/serenityshindigs/index.htm - big damn shindigs

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Monday, August 15, 2005 8:12 AM

SIMONWHO


Quote:

Originally posted by Knibblet:
Doctor,
I'm having a little trouble getting going in the morning after sitting up all night watching my first season Battlestar Gallactica DVDs. Is it my advancing age? Am I over the hill at 43?



Well, Knibblet, I can't decide for you when you are "over the hill". All I can do is point out that in the movie (and TV show) Logan's Run, the official age of being too old for being of any use was thirteen whole years younger than you are now.

You've got to draw your own conclusions but you have to ask yourself "Do I want to be a burden, taking valuable time away from those around me who could otherwise be spending it shopping and/or playing video games?"

My fee for this consultation is for you to leave me your Battlestar Galactica DVDs in your will.

*waits for them to arrive any day now*

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Monday, August 15, 2005 8:14 AM

CHRISISALL


Doc, I have this problem, when I'm up late at night watchin' Firefly (or some damn space thing) I turn out the lights, as one should for a space-like show to dispense with the glare, and after the lights go out, little beetles that I never see w/the lights on come moseyin' along near where I'm sittin' in front of the TV. They're just beetles, and the seem friendly enough, but they distract me some.
What's it mean?

Bugged Chrisisall

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Monday, August 15, 2005 8:23 AM

SIMONWHO


Quote:

Originally posted by SerenityPunk:
Dear Dr SP

I allowed a Chav into my home at the weekend, is there anything I can do to shake off this dirty feeling ive got



Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. I have carefully examined the photo record of your shindig and have worked out the identity of the person concerned. Don't worry, this falls under Doctor/Vict... er Patient confidentiality, we can keep their secret safe.

In short, the answer is no. Not matter how many times you shower, how much you scrub, the festering stink of chavivity will linger around you unless you take drastic action.

First, burn all of your possessions. You cannot tell what the chav may have touched and you just cannot be too careful, infections spread so easily. Next, strip all the carpets and wallpaper from your house and have them incinerated too. Finally cover all exposed surfaces with a thick bleach (Domestos for preference but really any major brand will do).

Only then will you lose their itchy feeling that crawls across your spine whenever you think of that monstrosity walking in your abode. For future reference, the preferred method of preventing infestation is to put a sign saying "Jobs Available, Apply Within" outside your front door. Fearing its natural enemy, work, the chav will withdraw and scour the streets for a less daunting foe.

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Monday, August 15, 2005 11:26 AM

KNIBBLET


Your answer leads me to a second problem: How and where do I find me a carousel? Third problem: I haven't yet bought the original movie DVD to go with the series, will this count against me in the afterlife (after I'm reborn in carousel)?

Quote:

Originally posted by SimonWho:
All I can do is point out that in the movie (and TV show) Logan's Run, the official age of being too old for being of any use was thirteen whole years younger than you are now.
You've got to draw your own conclusions but you have to ask yourself...
My fee for this consultation is for you to leave me your Battlestar Galactica DVDs in your will.

Quote:

Originally posted by Knibblet:
Am I over the hill at 43?

http://tv.groups.yahoo.com/group/MN-Firefly/

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Monday, August 15, 2005 9:34 PM

THATWEIRDGIRL


Quote:

Originally posted by SimonWho:
I think you should think of it like this: what's the worst that could happen? It could have fermented in the bottle, causing a new compound that reacts with the acid in your stomach, turning it into a superacid. Your organs get consumed and you expire horribly over a period of several days....So, in conclusion, drink up and add to my medical knowledge one way or the other. Don't be such a chicken, you owe it to science to find out.


I did wonder if pink stuff COULD ferment. It didn't help. Not at all. Might as well not taken any. It still tastes like pink stuff...which is oddly yummy in a sick way. Anyway, I'm alive and free of pain; if my innards are dissolving they're doing it nicely.


*quirkes an eyebrow* So, ever heard of playing Doctor?

www.thatweirdgirl.com
---
"...turn right at the corner then skip two blocks...no, SKIP, the hopping-like thing kids do...Why? Why not?"

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Monday, August 15, 2005 9:54 PM

SERENITYPUNK


Quote:

Originally posted by SimonWho:
Quote:

Originally posted by SerenityPunk:
Dear Dr SP

I allowed a Chav into my home at the weekend, is there anything I can do to shake off this dirty feeling ive got



Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. I have carefully examined the photo record of your shindig and have worked out the identity of the person concerned. Don't worry, this falls under Doctor/Vict... er Patient confidentiality, we can keep their secret safe.

In short, the answer is no. Not matter how many times you shower, how much you scrub, the festering stink of chavivity will linger around you unless you take drastic action.

First, burn all of your possessions. You cannot tell what the chav may have touched and you just cannot be too careful, infections spread so easily. Next, strip all the carpets and wallpaper from your house and have them incinerated too. Finally cover all exposed surfaces with a thick bleach (Domestos for preference but really any major brand will do).

Only then will you lose their itchy feeling that crawls across your spine whenever you think of that monstrosity walking in your abode. For future reference, the preferred method of preventing infestation is to put a sign saying "Jobs Available, Apply Within" outside your front door. Fearing its natural enemy, work, the chav will withdraw and scour the streets for a less daunting foe.




I shall begin at once

=================================================
Carol
Pirate Steve defines the word cool.....
http://www.freewebs.com/serenityshindigs/index.htm - big damn shindigs

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Monday, August 15, 2005 10:59 PM

RELFEXIVE


Dear Doctor,

Last weekend I completely failed to be in two places at once. Actually, it was three, but stretching to reach the US as well seemed a bit presumptuous.

Can you suggest any way of being in two places at once?


-Sad Shindigger

"My God - you're like a trained ape. Without the training."

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Monday, August 15, 2005 11:04 PM

SIMONWHO


Quote:

Originally posted by Knibblet:
Your answer leads me to a second problem: How and where do I find me a carousel? Third problem: I haven't yet bought the original movie DVD to go with the series, will this count against me in the afterlife (after I'm reborn in carousel)?



Carousels are unnecessary in this day and age. Your best bet is a very, very tall building or a very, very fast bus. Or drive a bus very fast off a very tall building (that one does require more effort but the newspaper coverage is very fulfilling).

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Monday, August 15, 2005 11:08 PM

SIMONWHO


Quote:

Originally posted by RelFexive:

Can you suggest any way of being in two places at once?



Of course, it's easy. You can be in up to five places at once, although I recommend that as a maximum because anything less than an entire limb tends to be discounted as actually "being there".

Now hold still while I get the chainsaw. (This is how I 'play' Doctor, twg, I follow the three A's: Amputation, Amputation, Amputation.)

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Monday, August 15, 2005 11:10 PM

SIMONWHO


Quote:

Originally posted by chrisisall:
Doc, I have this problem, when I'm up late at night watchin' Firefly (or some damn space thing) I turn out the lights, as one should for a space-like show to dispense with the glare, and after the lights go out, little beetles that I never see w/the lights on come moseyin' along near where I'm sittin' in front of the TV. They're just beetles, and the seem friendly enough, but they distract me some.
What's it mean?



There are no beetles.

That's all I'm saying.

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Monday, August 15, 2005 11:13 PM

RELFEXIVE


Quote:

Originally posted by SimonWho:
Quote:

Originally posted by chrisisall:
Doc, I have this problem, when I'm up late at night watchin' Firefly (or some damn space thing) I turn out the lights, as one should for a space-like show to dispense with the glare, and after the lights go out, little beetles that I never see w/the lights on come moseyin' along near where I'm sittin' in front of the TV. They're just beetles, and the seem friendly enough, but they distract me some.
What's it mean?



There are no beetles.

That's all I'm saying.




Anyone seen Joe's Apartment?

Do they sing and dance as well as come out to watch TV in the dark?

"My God - you're like a trained ape. Without the training."

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Monday, August 15, 2005 11:30 PM

BARCLAY


Doc,

I'm pressed for a deadline with a webpage I'm working on. Unfortunately, I didn't realize this computer doesn't have my perfectly legal copy of Microsoft FrontPage on it.

I need a really good WYSIWYG HTML editor that I can download for free online and has a free trial of at least 2 weeks. Something that functions somewhat like FrontPage would be best. Suggestions?

"You are on the Global Frequency."
http://www.frequencysite.com
http://kfmonkey.blogspot.com

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Tuesday, August 16, 2005 12:15 AM

EMMA


My bowel movements make me sad as I haven't had any for 5 days. Can you help?

extremely dimensionally transcendental

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Tuesday, August 16, 2005 12:59 AM

RELFEXIVE


Dear Doctor,

Someone I know is getting all of Summer Glau's attention. What is the best method of subtle assassination you can suggest to clear the field for me?


-Syco Suitor

"My God - you're like a trained ape. Without the training."

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Tuesday, August 16, 2005 1:09 AM

SIMONWHO


Quote:

Originally posted by Barclay:

I need a really good WYSIWYG HTML editor that I can download for free online and has a free trial of at least 2 weeks. Something that functions somewhat like FrontPage would be best. Suggestions?



Bah. What am I, trying to bring down Bill Gates? Well, if you hate Word's HTML editing facilities (and you appear to be at least semi-intelligent so you probably do) then why not try PageBreeze instead. It's freeware and available here:

http://www.tucows.com/preview/397905

I wish to point that I am only giving useful advice as I hope your website will accidentally cause Earth's total destruction. A long shot but you seem like the sort of person that could pull it off.

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Tuesday, August 16, 2005 1:12 AM

SIMONWHO


Quote:

Originally posted by Emma:
My bowel movements make me sad as I haven't had any for 5 days. Can you help?



Try an age old remedy and drink lots of mercury. You know, nowadays people frown on anything that is "centuries old" or "causes mental instability". I say we should go back to nature. Mercury, lots of it. Drink up.

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Tuesday, August 16, 2005 1:14 AM

RELFEXIVE


Mmmm, mercury. It's made me what I am today.

*dribbles*

"My God - you're like a trained ape. Without the training."

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Tuesday, August 16, 2005 1:15 AM

SIMONWHO


Quote:

Originally posted by RelFexive:

Someone I know is getting all of Summer Glau's attention. What is the best method of subtle assassination you can suggest to clear the field for me?



Well, I'd set up an elaborate scheme whereby the "someone" tries to get their boss fired by giving them a cream that will cause them to fail a drug's test but will in fact kill them stone dead. Then I'd anonymously point the police in the direction of the "murderer", ensuring my tracks were fully covered.

Hypothetically speaking, of course.

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Tuesday, August 16, 2005 1:30 AM

RELFEXIVE


Quote:

Originally posted by SimonWho:
Quote:

Originally posted by RelFexive:

Someone I know is getting all of Summer Glau's attention. What is the best method of subtle assassination you can suggest to clear the field for me?



Well, I'd set up an elaborate scheme whereby the "someone" tries to get their boss fired by giving them a cream that will cause them to fail a drug's test but will in fact kill them stone dead. Then I'd anonymously point the police in the direction of the "murderer", ensuring my tracks were fully covered.

Hypothetically speaking, of course.




Hmmmmm... *nods* I shall consider this.



Hypothetically speaking, of course.

"My God - you're like a trained ape. Without the training."

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Tuesday, August 16, 2005 3:03 AM

UNCHARTEDOUTLAW


Doc, I got two quick questions:

First, what are those little white things floating around my vision after I've exerted myself too much?

Second, how can we help TWG get a good night's sleep?

Third (and no one expects the Spanish Inquisition): How can I get sharks with frickin laser beams attached to their heads?

Answer at your leisure...no rush, I know I asked a lot.

-Taylor (and what the heck's a "chav"? You wacky brits!)

http://norcalriviera.blogspot.com
http://www.cafepress.com/norcalriviera

River: "So we'll integrate non-progressional evolution theory with God's creation of Eden. Eleven inherent metaphoric parallels already there. Eleven. Important number. Prime number. One goes into the house of eleven eleven times, but always comes out one. Noah's ark is a problem."

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Tuesday, August 16, 2005 5:05 AM

SIMONWHO


Quote:

Originally posted by UnchartedOutlaw:
Doc, I got two quick questions:

First, what are those little white things floating around my vision after I've exerted myself too much?



Believe it or not, they're actually called floaters. They're just little pieces of debris in your eyeball itself. They're harmless unless they start to multiply rapidly, in which case I highly recommend seeing a non-evil doctor.
Quote:

Originally posted by UnchartedOutlaw:

Second, how can we help TWG get a good night's sleep?


The answer lies in Shakespeare: "Asleep, perchance to dream, aye, there's the rub."
We should do as the man requests and rub her out.
Quote:

Originally posted by UnchartedOutlaw:

Third (and no one expects the Spanish Inquisition): How can I get sharks with frickin laser beams attached to their heads?


"Two quick questions" indeed. Pah.

Sharks with frickin laser beams? Well, first you catch your shark. (I recommend a helpless female as bait). Next surgically attach a grade 2 laser (waterproofed, obviously). Finally, set it to autofire and you're away.

Next?

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Tuesday, August 16, 2005 5:21 AM

CITIZEN


I'm trying to get Kelly Brook to realise she loves me, but no matter how long I camp out on her front lawn with my telephoto lens she still calls the police...
What can I do?

A Chav:
http://www.twisted-imaginings.com/Chav[1].jpg

Q: What do you have when you are holding two little green balls in your hand.
A: Kermit's undivided attention.

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Tuesday, August 16, 2005 6:16 AM

CHRISISALL


Quote:

Originally posted by RelFexive:

There are no beetles.

That's all I'm saying.




Anyone seen Joe's Apartment?

Do they sing and dance as well as come out to watch TV in the dark?


Well, they do seem to be singin' Lucy in the Sky w/Diamonds a lot...

Bugged-out Chrisisall

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Tuesday, August 16, 2005 7:15 AM

UNCHARTEDOUTLAW


Quote:

Originally posted by SimonWho:
Quote:

Originally posted by UnchartedOutlaw:
Doc, I got two quick questions:

First, what are those little white things floating around my vision after I've exerted myself too much?



Believe it or not, they're actually called floaters. They're just little pieces of debris in your eyeball itself. They're harmless unless they start to multiply rapidly, in which case I highly recommend seeing a non-evil doctor.



Can you recommend one?

Quote:

Originally posted by UnchartedOutlaw:

Second, how can we help TWG get a good night's sleep?


The answer lies in Shakespeare: "Asleep, perchance to dream, aye, there's the rub."
We should do as the man requests and rub her out.



Do you mean that in a kill her sense or in something a little more subtle and naughty?

-Taylor

http://norcalriviera.blogspot.com
http://www.cafepress.com/norcalriviera

River: "So we'll integrate non-progressional evolution theory with God's creation of Eden. Eleven inherent metaphoric parallels already there. Eleven. Important number. Prime number. One goes into the house of eleven eleven times, but always comes out one. Noah's ark is a problem."

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Tuesday, August 16, 2005 7:24 AM

THATWEIRDGIRL


Quote:

Originally posted by UnchartedOutlaw:
Quote:

Originally posted by SimonWho:
Quote:

Originally posted by UnchartedOutlaw:

Second, how can we help TWG get a good night's sleep?


The answer lies in Shakespeare: "Asleep, perchance to dream, aye, there's the rub."
We should do as the man requests and rub her out.



Do you mean that in a kill her sense or in something a little more subtle and naughty?


I hope it's in a not so subtle and naughty way...

www.thatweirdgirl.com
---
"...turn right at the corner then skip two blocks...no, SKIP, the hopping-like thing kids do...Why? Why not?"

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Tuesday, August 16, 2005 7:30 AM

UNCHARTEDOUTLAW


Good. That's what I was hoping you were hoping for. ;)

-Taylor

http://norcalriviera.blogspot.com
http://www.cafepress.com/norcalriviera

River: "So we'll integrate non-progressional evolution theory with God's creation of Eden. Eleven inherent metaphoric parallels already there. Eleven. Important number. Prime number. One goes into the house of eleven eleven times, but always comes out one. Noah's ark is a problem."

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Tuesday, August 16, 2005 7:42 AM

THATWEIRDGIRL


Quote:

Originally posted by SimonWho:
This is how I 'play' Doctor, twg, I follow the three A's: Amputation, Amputation, Amputation.



Well that's certainly not what I had in mind.

*jumps off of 'examining' table and puts clothes back on*

So um, I'll just go now...

www.thatweirdgirl.com
---
"...turn right at the corner then skip two blocks...no, SKIP, the hopping-like thing kids do...Why? Why not?"

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Tuesday, August 16, 2005 9:34 AM

MAUGWAI


Dear Doctor Simonwho:

I have no money. How do I get some?

-Broke in Katmandu

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Tuesday, August 16, 2005 1:09 PM

THEREALME


Hi, Doc,

Hey, I have this friend of mine back on the Sereni-Tree who has split into two selves, one good and the other evil. Well, the evil one has posted his very own thread and is offering evil advice to the unsuspecting masses. I swear, he’s more evil than Dogbert! How can I resolve this unpleasant situation without causing harm to my friend’s good self?



The Real Me, First Officer of the Sereni-Tree

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Tuesday, August 16, 2005 2:12 PM

SIMONWHO


Quote:

Originally posted by citizen:
I'm trying to get Kelly Brook to realise she loves me, but no matter how long I camp out on her front lawn with my telephoto lens she still calls the police...
What can I do?



Ah, the eternal mystery of the way to a woman's heart. My recommendation is straight through the chest, using a hacksaw if necessary.

Besides, think about what your children would be like if they had your looks and her brains. Best just to leave her to her upcoming marriage to that mockney actor.

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Tuesday, August 16, 2005 2:16 PM

SIMONWHO


Quote:

Originally posted by UnchartedOutlaw:
Quote:

Originally posted by SimonWho:
They're harmless unless they start to multiply rapidly, in which case I highly recommend seeing a non-evil doctor.



Can you recommend one?




Well, if you're worried about them, any optician will do. Get a check up, make sure it's not related to something more serious. They happen as you get older, one of those signs of aging but like moles, it's worthwhile being aware.

Hmmm. I'm actually helping again. Well, I'll be twice as evil to the next person.

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Tuesday, August 16, 2005 2:21 PM

SIMONWHO


Quote:

Originally posted by maugwai:
Dear Doctor Simonwho:

I have no money. How do I get some?

-Broke in Katmandu



Send me all your remaining possessions and I'll let you in on the big secret of how you can acquire money and goods for nothing.

And that's Evil Doctor Simon Who, I didn't spend 6 years as a subconsciousness manifestation to be called Doctor Simon Who, thank you.

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Tuesday, August 16, 2005 2:24 PM

CITIZEN


My god! Your right! Think of what I could have done to my poor offspring...
Do you do a neutering service?

Q: What do you have when you are holding two little green balls in your hand.
A: Kermit's undivided attention.

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Tuesday, August 16, 2005 2:33 PM

SIMONWHO


Quote:

Originally posted by TheRealMe:
Hey, I have this friend of mine back on the Sereni-Tree who has split into two selves, one good and the other evil. Well, the evil one has posted his very own thread and is offering evil advice to the unsuspecting masses. I swear, he’s more evil than Dogbert! How can I resolve this unpleasant situation without causing harm to my friend’s good self?



This friend of yours sounds like a loser. I'd ditch him and hang out with his evil counterpart who sounds a) more fun, b) richer and c) a snappier dresser.

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