BLUE SUN ROOM

Worst of the Worst - Contribute to The Most Awful Fic Ever Written

POSTED BY: JETFLAIR
UPDATED: Friday, February 17, 2012 08:36
SHORT URL: http://bit.ly/r2yBfe
VIEWED: 31544
PAGE 4 of 5

Saturday, October 6, 2007 11:35 AM

RIVERFLAN


The filk song IS what I'm talking about. Listen to it and you'll see what I mean. The song's hilarious, and so's his other work.


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Sunday, October 7, 2007 11:12 AM

WYTCHCROFT


wash comes back (again again) as the First evil - no/one can touch him - 'cept his special blue gloves.

in a cheery fluffly comic scene Jayne - bravely trying to save the crew - snatches the gloves - and is transformed into a helpless cleaning lady - but so cute (natch) - in fact his new found charm and cha making abilities render the impending crisis of River's ALIEN BIRTH fairly trivial - and at least as Jayne himself says "Hell, i aint responsible for THAT one."

Mal (now written by wytchcroft) begins to talk only in patois - or is that pastiche? -
known as GALACTIC or gibberese:

"Now you be holding up your horses there son - catching at my attentionalising an all - i know things aint so shiny but we gotta keep focussome aboout the 'verse an all ok? fine. Shiny. Again. Gorram - well, maybe - etc etc"

ah, i feel better now - off to caleb's room. I CAN TAKE MY PUNISHMENT LIKE A WYTCH.


well now, let's be testin' that theory a yours l'il wytch...

gulp!

n.b. events recurr and are posted MANY TIMES in a row

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Saturday, October 13, 2007 10:32 AM

GORRAMGROUPIE


Quote:

Originally posted by singate:

Inara used to be a man.


On that note:
Jayne gets man boobs.

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Saturday, October 13, 2007 1:43 PM

ALLIETHORN7


I'm not sure if this has come up yet (The list is too gorram long to read before midnight), but here's a few:

Wash comes back as a zombie
ZOMBIE HORDE!!!
Godzilla
Rodan
All those other monster folk
Simon dieing heroically at the climax for Kaylee/River
Mal """" for Inara/Zoe
Any crew member """" Badger/ any OTHER crew member
Reformed Reavers (Yes, I am guilty of this)
Random songs from the twenty-first century appearing (Again, guilty as charged )
Jayne, a whore, an empty room, silence.
Inara going ape-shit crazy on the world in general (Although, admittedly, entertaining)

-Danny

We move for all mankind,
A million miles from everything we've ever know...
We're on their hearts and minds,
A million heads are bowed to bring us safely home...
Hemmed in by emptiness,
A million ways that everything could be undone...

THRICE RULES!!!!!!!!!
My Master went to the Moon in a Rocket of Flamin' Cheese!
I LIKE CHEESE!!!
http://www.myspace.com/otherrandomdude

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Sunday, October 14, 2007 10:42 PM

WYTCHCROFT


"GORRAM it!" His mighty boots stamping into the muddy earth JAYNE COBB swept up the shaking and imbecilic form of Malcolm Reynolds. "I - I'm sorry..." croaked Mal feebly.

"Now don't you worry yerself none." said jayne, "you 're in my hands now. you gotta wife to get home to, i'm gonna make gorram sure you do."

The explosions were closing in. And there were reavers too!

"Grenade!" Yelled Jayne reaching into his backpack (while the narrator loving detailed its specifications, instructions on use and how to purchase on-line).

There was a satisfying bang and the sound of dead Reavers!

"Grenade!" Whooped Jayne again - this time there was a softer PLOP!

"Ah hell, that wern't no grenade... that were Jayne Jr the Nineth!"
"I won't tell..." smiled the grateful Mal.

Jayne scowled "Yeh but River can read minds!"
"You aint got one Jayne"
"Hell, that's right!"

Gleefully he began throwing babies with wicked accuracy at the nasty Reavers. The reavers began to RUN!

"Hmm - think this one mighta been monty's anyhow..." said Jayne hurling the bearded baby dead eye into a swarthy reaver face. "Never did trust Inara."

"No no - that was one of mine - but go right ahead." smiled the grateful Captain.

Last up was a blue eyed, golden haired little dum-dum. "hmmm - one of Wash's..." said Jayyne, "I should keep you for sentimental reasons, i'm sensitive like that..." he hurled the armour piercing child into the ragged ranks of surviving reavers.

"But Zoe never forgave River sleeping with you Wash - and besides we all know YOU AINT DEAD!"

meanwhile in Serenity, Simon was curing a tribble like epidemic of space hero babies with a large hyperdemic and a heart full of LOVE.



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Sunday, October 14, 2007 11:39 PM

WYTCHCROFT


Pt 2 (of 750)

pausing only to have another child, River gazed adoringly at the ranks of karate stanced infants beside her. She especially liked the cutesome grey haired trippplets Mag, Zine and Hardback - souvenirs of her meaningful spritual tryst with the avatar spirit of Shepherd Thingy called down to her one hot and stuffy night (tho it might have been simon in a play suit, he was such a joker!).

suddenly her eyes turned inwards - her voice seemed bigger and a bit scary (but not too much ok).
"I see dead people... no wait - I relive days... no wait - once in every generation... no wait - you are the ooze that eats itself... um, lotta static today."

Still, it was time for school and jayne would be furious if the littluns weren't there on time.

Pausing only to have another child ("Wotcha!" it said with the usual Tam precocity. Hmm... have to get that one a hat...) she armed herself with a big gun and a short dress - dashed from the shuttle and began to kick the crap out of the waiting queue of parents.

"Out my ruttin way!" she yelled. "I'm a force of a nature - no, wait... the Truth is Out There... no, wait..."

by which time the karate children had stolen the shuttle and headed for the red light planet of SoHomeworld. "Hell we wanna par-tey!!" they gurgled merrily. "We's Cobb chillun GORRAM it!" they burped.

then - in a sudden but inevitable betrayal - they all put on blue gloves and did the oompa lumpa dance.

"what's... we can't - Dumpitty Do..."

And it was true - the pre-programmed shuttle had taken them into the very worst of crossover hells and it looked like they were DOOMED to spend eternity working for the Willy Wonka Corporation...

but - alas... it all ends happily of course.

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Monday, October 15, 2007 2:13 PM

RIVERFLAN


Wow, that's really bad... I mean good of course




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Monday, October 15, 2007 2:27 PM

PLATONIST


pausing to only have another child, River....


Wytchcroft, that transition alone tells me you are one twisted mother of a writer. I frackin can't stop laughing.

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Tuesday, October 16, 2007 11:50 PM

WYTCHCROFT


thanks!


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Thursday, October 18, 2007 3:25 PM

RIVERFLAN


Were you serious about the Pg2(out of 750) thing? If you were, could I get a beta, or are they in the blue sun room?


@)~*~*~*$~*~*~*)~(*~*~*~$*~*~*~(@
Remember to vote!
http://www.richlabonte.net/tvvote/index.html
$)~*~*)~(*~*~($
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Friday, October 19, 2007 2:07 PM

SUPERUNKNOWN


- A fight scene should be recycled from "Angel".
- Mal should vamp out during said fight.
- No-one notices anything out of the ordinary.
- A musical happens on-board Serenity.

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Saturday, October 20, 2007 11:41 AM

MOBBEX


Quote:

Pt 2 (of 750)

pausing only to have another child, River gazed adoringly at the ranks of karate stanced infants beside her. She especially liked the cutesome grey haired trippplets Mag, Zine and Hardback - souvenirs of her meaningful spritual tryst with the avatar spirit of Shepherd Thingy called down to her one hot and stuffy night (tho it might have been simon in a play suit, he was such a joker!).

suddenly her eyes turned inwards - her voice seemed bigger and a bit scary (but not too much ok).
"I see dead people... no wait - I relive days... no wait - once in every generation... no wait - you are the ooze that eats itself... um, lotta static today."

Still, it was time for school and jayne would be furious if the littluns weren't there on time.

Pausing only to have another child ("Wotcha!" it said with the usual Tam precocity. Hmm... have to get that one a hat...) she armed herself with a big gun and a short dress - dashed from the shuttle and began to kick the crap out of the waiting queue of parents.

"Out my ruttin way!" she yelled. "I'm a force of a nature - no, wait... the Truth is Out There... no, wait..."

by which time the karate children had stolen the shuttle and headed for the red light planet of SoHomeworld. "Hell we wanna par-tey!!" they gurgled merrily. "We's Cobb chillun GORRAM it!" they burped.

then - in a sudden but inevitable betrayal - they all put on blue gloves and did the oompa lumpa dance.

"what's... we can't - Dumpitty Do..."

And it was true - the pre-programmed shuttle had taken them into the very worst of crossover hells and it looked like they were DOOMED to spend eternity working for the Willy Wonka Corporation...

but - alas... it all ends happily of course.



Oh, man ain't that gruesome! No really I can barely read through the whole thing, it's sickening!

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Sunday, October 21, 2007 12:58 AM

JETFLAIR


Laughing too hard to write properly! :D

You people are evil geniuses.




"Love keeps her in the air...."

www.serenityverse.com/fffanfic - My fanfics
www.serenityverse.com/shop - Firefly Jewelry


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Sunday, October 21, 2007 1:08 AM

SUPERUNKNOWN


Evil geniuses we may be, but good looking ones we are.

Talk like Yoda I do; abused for heresy I will be, yet stop I cannot seem to.

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Sunday, October 21, 2007 5:50 AM

RIVERFLAN


I can't wait to read it!!!


@)~*~*~*$)~*~*~*)~(*~*~*~($*~*~*~(@

Gots to get away from the green, nasty dragon
\~~~*~~^~~*~~~/
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Friday, October 26, 2007 12:10 AM

WYTCHCROFT


reporting to caleb for crimes in the following manner:

wytchcroft writes:

"Red rum red rum!" the urchin form of the ragged river squealed as she circled the endless yet never once adaquately described corridors of the Overlook (and possibly now over used) Hotel Moon.

Depth and profundity flashed across her eyes as Mal shifted his weight crossing and uncrossing his arms like a restless junky. "Wha? well,an I done reckon that's a truthsome way of reckoningly expressivefying stuff" he murmered in the usual wytch gibberese.

"Red rum! Red rum!"
River circled the crew - the wheels on her tricycle squealing and squeaking and again with the squeaking.

"This piece of crap moon* so close to a black hole it's sucking the vocabulary right outta me!" Mal thought -- even as he folded and unfolded his arms again.

"Don't you be agreeing with me Mary-Sue - I mean, Zoe?"

Zoe said nothing - because she never does obviously but her mind rolled back the years to the pastoral days of the log cabin and all the endless autumn cliches you could wish for.

Mean time Simon was searching desperately through his bag for a hypo to inject the precedings with some vague dose of humour at least.

Kaylee gnashed her teeth and made other random seeming gestures (not unlike mal)...

meantime a ghastly forshadowed midget assassin was stealing up on them... his fingers clutching at pieces of metal. and for why - he wanted to know.

River meantime was dancing around talking to her finger and the little boy who lives in her mouth.

"Gorram it!" yelled Mal. "I asked for a Shindig -not the ruttin' SHINING."

Jayne meantime had fled to a superior level of characterisation.


..........................


come back spaceanjl - you see what happens when u turn your back??

ok Caleb... i'm ready for my close up now




*fan obsessive referential quoting of fave characters (saffron) to the point of criminal procedings sure to follow...

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Sunday, October 28, 2007 2:48 AM

JETFLAIR


Quote:


Mean time Simon was searching desperately through his bag for a hypo to inject the precedings with some vague dose of humour at least.

Jayne meantime had fled to a superior level of characterisation.



You know the kind of humor that's drop-dead hilarious 'cause it's so true? That would be it, right up there.

Could I please use those lines in thewrongfic?









"Love keeps her in the air...."

www.serenityverse.com/fffanfic - My fanfics
www.serenityverse.com/shop - Firefly Jewelry


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Sunday, October 28, 2007 3:30 AM

WYTCHCROFT


use any and every thing you think funny enough - i'm glad to have made y'chuckle:)

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Tuesday, October 30, 2007 1:11 PM

ALBIO


any of mine

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Saturday, November 3, 2007 7:17 AM

COLT999


Huge thread so someone might have thought of this but I think there should be a few tire swings hanging from the wings and maybe convert one of the air locks to a water slide for the all the kids to play on.

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Friday, January 2, 2009 6:38 PM

WYTCHCROFT


bump

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Friday, January 2, 2009 8:37 PM

BYTEMITE


I don't know if this fic was ever posted, but I would really like to read it now. o.o

I get the feeling it would betray all efforts to be horrendous and be beautiful mind-blowing perfection instead.

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Saturday, January 3, 2009 4:21 AM

NCBROWNCOAT


I don't think it was ever actually written and exists only on this thread. Which is a good thing, people can contribute to the "worst of the worst" in perpetuity,



http://fireflyfaninnc.livejournal.com/








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Sunday, January 4, 2009 9:37 AM

CAROLJUDE


The Operative is the son of [dramatic music cue] SHEPHERD BOOK! Who was ALSO, in the past life he doesn't have to tell Mal about... [dramatic music cue] an OPERATIVE!!! And... the Book that dies on Haven is... a BOT!

ALSO.... SO IS WASH! The real Book has had another Bot made in Wash's likeness JUST IN CASE a situation arose where Reavers might shoot sharpened telephone poles into the windshield of Serenity. He convinces Wash to the switch easily, pointing out that (very handy, completely shielded, and well-stocked) secret cave on Haven = relative safety, while Reaver space = not so much. In case of the bot surviving, Book has programmed it with a code phrase to differentiate it from Wash.... "I am a leaf on the wind...."

After all are reunited, Book creates a new dilemma for Mal and the crew of Serenity... "Help me find my son."

[cue dramatic music]

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Walk tall, or don't walk at all...

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Wednesday, January 7, 2009 9:19 AM

WYTCHCROFT


Quote:

Originally posted by CarolJude:



That's the spirit!:)

........................

meanwhile Inara has nagged (in a feminist unfeminist way) the long suffering (in a macho non macho way) mal into opening a chain of boutiques specialising in hand crafted pottery - during a racy slow motion clay scene they accidentally arouse the spirit of Mr Universe who gleefully attempts to inhabit the flesh once again.
This turns out to be Inara's flesh and soon Mr Uni is getting it on with the Captain in a freaky NC-17 piece of zombie prawn.

Fortunately this comes to an end when Zoe walks in and puts a bullet into the back of Inara's head.

Now it's tense as Simon attempts to keep the comatose companion alive until Serenity makes it to the nearest hospital.

Will Inara survive yet another fatal fan cliff hanger?

River doesn't think so and beats everyone up in sight whilst singing Dr Seus books backwards.

Zoe and Jayne were played by Sir Also Not Appearing in this film.

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Monday, February 2, 2009 4:03 AM

MOONDOG


You want crossovers? (cackle, cackle) I'll give you ceossovers! Howzabout Book is/was a paratime cop, or maybe a lensman? What if they had a glitch in the navacomputer and got so far off course that they stumbled onto PERN?? Or they returned (via wormhole) to Earth that was and it was run by apes??? The mind bogggles at the possabilities. Maybe they crossed into a paralell universe where magic worked???? That should mess with Jayne's mind. I could keep going but my meds are kicking in--suddenly all I can think of are vegetables--oooh carrots...

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Saturday, February 7, 2009 12:08 PM

WYTCHCROFT


Quote:

Originally posted by moondog:
You want crossovers? (cackle, cackle) I'll give you ceossovers! Howzabout Book is/was a part-time cop,



yeah with like the great great great grandson of TJ Hooker! )))

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Saturday, February 7, 2009 12:35 PM

CHRISISALL


I never wanna see fanfic like some of Treks', that would be, Mal & Simon being lovers.
GRRRRR!!!


The laughing Chrisisall

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Saturday, February 7, 2009 12:53 PM

MOONDOG


Quote:

Originally posted by wytchcroft:
Quote:

Originally posted by moondog:
You want crossovers? (cackle, cackle) I'll give you ceossovers! Howzabout Book is/was a part-time cop,



yeah with like the great great great grandson of TJ Hooker! )))


that's PARA-time cop-- Check out H. Beam Piper, "Paratime" "Lord Kalvin of Otherwhen".

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Sunday, February 8, 2009 12:32 PM

WYTCHCROFT


Quote:

Originally posted by moondog:
Quote:

Originally posted by wytchcroft:
Quote:

Originally posted by moondog:
You want crossovers? (cackle, cackle) I'll give you ceossovers! Howzabout Book is/was a part-time cop,



yeah with like the great great great grandson of TJ Hooker! )))


that's PARA-time cop-- Check out H. Beam Piper, "Paratime" "Lord Kalvin of Otherwhen".



yeah. uh. actually i knew that.

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Sunday, February 8, 2009 12:38 PM

MOONDOG


Oh. Well unfortunately Piper is not well known these days. His books have been out of print for so long that some of them are now Public Domain. If you are interested, Google "Project Gutenburg" and you'll find them.

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Monday, February 9, 2009 2:37 PM

MOONDOG


I just had a typically brilliant idea! Yes it did hurt but after a handfull of asperin and a bit of a lie down I'm better, thank you. I was watching an epsode of Sherlock Holmes--Jeremy Brett & Edward Hardwicke, of course--when the idea hit me. Mal (and maybe Zoe) is arrested on a seemingly ironclad charge of murder and River gets to play Holmes, With Simon tagging along hopefully to keep her out of trouble--as if he would be needed--and to play Watson. I can just hear her "Elementry, my dear Simon. If you eliminate the impossable all that remains, no matter how improbable must be the truth." I can also picture Jayne's reaction, wanting to bust him out by brute force and Simon has to slip him a tranc to keep him from hurting himsself.

every takeoff is optional, every landing is manditory

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Friday, February 13, 2009 10:53 AM

INSTANTKARMAGIRL





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Wednesday, March 4, 2009 8:43 AM

ANOTHERSKY


Takes up chant:
No Joss Anywhere! No Joss Anywhere!

Mimsy the widget? You are already my hero.

Serenity needs to be rehauled, preferably by Kaylee with no materials but chewing gum and foil. Twice. And River needs to tell her she's doing it wrong and she should really be fixing Simon.

Right before Simon goes into a hypersensitive hissy fit about this when...

Mal breaks in (bleeding) with a HUGE shipwide problem and for some reason Inara appears newly dressed in a PRACTICAL outfit that is her attempt at snorking the training house regulations which is 800 light years away and pulls Mal away into a quiet recess.

The ghost of Wash appears in the form of a tell-all tape that says what he only said before to his dinosaurs about his true feelings about each of the crew.

Oh--Original Characters need more of em. So Jayne can do the two things he does best. you fill that in.

Going for a ride.

--Another Sky

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Monday, March 16, 2009 9:51 AM

ALIASSE


Can you please describe Badger somewhere as 'a funny little Irishman'. Saw this in a fic once and it makes me laugh everyday. 'e's not an Irishman, ya muppit, 'e's a LANDANER!

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Monday, October 3, 2011 7:03 PM

BIGDAMNFANBOY


I am truly shocked, hasn't anyone mentioned threesomes? Also needs more Simon, for example Simon always acts like he wants to be in control when really he yearns for Mal or Jayne or Both (wink wink) to bend him over a rail and ravish him. Simon has to painfully admit to Kaylee that he's gay only to decide later that he doesn't need to pick only one gender to have sex with. I also agree with whoever suggested that Simon have no sexual experience, this allows for Simon to be embarrassed and for his lover/lovers to comfort him by telling him ho amazing the sex was.

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Tuesday, October 4, 2011 7:08 AM

BYTEMITE


River decides she needs to birth a super-baby, with the combined genetic material of everyone on the crew, and drugs them with crazy-making-drugs. Wrong anatomy terms (pancreas! tibia!) and bodily functions (I recommend "respiration") are used, blood is referred to in place of any other fluids, characters describe impossible acts that they're doing out loud. A pineapple is involved, for some reason.

Similarly, freudian slips should be peppered throughout the rest of the fanfic.

Inara swears every other word. Her favourite swear should be "mother----er."

While on planet, they drive Serenity around like a truck. Wheels are inexplicably mentioned.

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Wednesday, October 12, 2011 2:23 PM

EBFIDDLER


OMG, this thread was so funny! I was laughing til I cried!

Let's see, I could add:

Kaylee spouts techie gibberish: "I'm gonna hot-wire the freeze-ray to the live-mag catalyzer, spring it to the compressor coil and irradiate the tungsten relay. That should do it." Simon nods sagely, like he understands what she said, and Mal says "I need that in Captain Dummy talk." Jayne, in character as a Wise Man, says, "That IS Captain Dummy talk."

Simon pulls off a dramatic rescue in the infirmary: "Mal has bled out more blood than is contained within the human body, with or without adequate vacuuming systems, but I shall nonetheless save him with this high tech Neurovisionary-Proximaldistal-Medicaljargon Scanner that I conveniently picked up on the last underdeveloped backwater slum moon without so much as a temple built that we visited (again conveniently) just before we headed into this job, even though I had no reason to anticipate that we'd need one of those. Ever." Mal (waking up, despite having no blood and having just been saved from certain death): "Doc, I'm tired of being stuck in this gorram infirmary. I'm gonna be a stubborn wangbadan and go to my own bunk and engage in vigorous sexual activities with Inara/River/Simon/Jayne/Mary Sue." *proceeds to do so*


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Wednesday, October 12, 2011 5:06 PM

BYTEMITE


And then Mal was a zombie.

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Wednesday, October 12, 2011 5:31 PM

EBFIDDLER


And has anyone read "Generic S/K Plot Outline" by ManicGiraffe? It incorporates just about every Firefly fanfic cliche there is in one hilarious read. Highlights include:
Thrilling heroics
Simon and Kaylee misunderstanding one another, repeatedly (and again)
Mal manfully brooding
River alternating between crazy and bratty
Shepherd Book sitting quietly in a corner because no one knows what to do with him in the average fanfic

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Thursday, October 13, 2011 4:08 AM

BYTEMITE


I have seen my picture, and it is hung on the wall of shame.

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Thursday, October 13, 2011 4:36 AM

BYTEMITE


<_<

The writer... The writer thinks that proper characterization is to make characters act like stereotypes.

Zoe speaks JIVE. She declares herself a soul sistah, and her streetwise advice and warmth endear her to everyone she meets. Not as much as Kaylee, though, who's incorruptible pure pureness has allowed her to twice come back from the dead. JESUS STYLE.

In a very special episode, Mal turns out to be a raging racist. And a raging homophobe. And an alcoholic. And gay. Culminating in an abusive scene of ambiguous consent involving Jayne and Simon to show how depraved he's become. Book "cures" him of the last one using God's words (because, the story implies, the last one is so much worse than the other three). In gratitude, Mal tells Book he'll stop burning crosses outside his room. This is forgotten by the next chapter, and never mentioned again.

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Thursday, October 13, 2011 6:02 AM

EBFIDDLER


Bytemite, your contributions to The Most Awful Fic Ever are stellar in their awfulness. It takes true talent to sink to such depths. ;-) I especially love how in the "depraved Mal" scenario you've set out, all is forgotten by the next episode. Ha!

So here's another one:

Serenity crashes full-tilt into a planet, because no one can be bothered to keep watch on that ship, and the gorram proximity detector is STILL so bad that it doesn't signal anything until you're right on top of it. They don't even SEE that planet until it's too late to avoid the collision, and defying the laws of physics and ignoring the three-dimensionality of space, they are unable to, say, orbit the planet and end up plowing right into it.

The planet (since it is merely a stand-in for "town" in other genres) consists of only one town, only one climate zone, and only one type of topography. Don't matter that there's 90 degrees of north and south latitude available, and 360 degrees of longitude. It's entirely the same everywhere.

Having defied the laws of physics, it's now time to defy the laws of biology, and the crew miraculously survives the burning of uncontrolled re-entry AND the impact with the ground unscathed. They immediately head out to have adventures (not even having to unbuckle their seatbelts first, because who would use those anyhow?). Either that or they all DIE, and it's the Zombie crew that gets to have the adventures.

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Thursday, October 13, 2011 1:23 PM

BYTEMITE


EB, I'm afraid I'm far from the worst this board has when it comes to intentional horror in literary form. I have just invited Mincingbeast to offer some ideas.

This is akin to someone arming a nuclear device during a carpet bombing run. Only hilarious as well as terrifying.

But, when it comes to violating the laws of physics and biology, such as the impossibility of having multiple fathers and mothers, I am a fan.

Therefore, I approve. And I think zombie crew might be great, because lots of people get annoyed by a kill them all scenario. But this would be especially bad if the crew can find a cure. For being dead.

Yeah.

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Friday, October 14, 2011 12:40 AM

VERASAMUELS


For a really bad fic, may I suggest M-Preg? For maximum lulz, it should be Jayne who is the victim!

Devout Keeper of Jayne's Lunchbox

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Friday, October 14, 2011 2:27 PM

BYTEMITE


Now, you'll see. You have uttered the words M-preg, and now someone's gonna actually DO it.

It'll be an all devouring literary eldritch abomination, forever changing your understanding of the characters until something you loved is now only TRAUMA. It will reach back into your very memories and be-spoil them.

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Monday, October 17, 2011 1:34 PM

MINCINGBEAST


What a lovely idea, though I see that this thread is as exhausted as my muse. There really is nothing to contribute at this point, so I type for the sake of typing.

After several awkward, earnest attempts at fanfic, of the sappiest and stupidest Mal/Inara variety, I concluded that the purpose of fanfic is to irritate. Not to work out the awful, unresolved sexual tension of Space Whore and her Asshole Captain.

As such, I have long been working on Simon/Reaver/Reaver/Reaver/Another Reaver/HIV positive Reaver/Reaver fanfic. Post yours; I'll post mine.


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Monday, October 17, 2011 5:02 PM

BYTEMITE


D:

Oh god! I told you! I told you all!

He just gave us SPACE AIDS. D: And the only bright spot is that it's from a REAVER and not from Jayne's well used guns!

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Tuesday, October 18, 2011 4:46 AM

BYTEMITE


Also, for the fic: Jayne fires bullets contaminated with venereal disease.

You... don't want to know.

Also, all characters should be redescribed in detail every few paragraphs or so, with inconsistent outfits and adjectives. However, what consistency there is should be completely ridiculous, like an insistence that Jayne has "limpid/soulful periwinkle eyes."

Much crying should be done about his tragic disease.

Mal should kick Jayne into the engines but he comes back fine in the next sentence. Simon just gave him some painkillers is all. Painkillers and hot infirmary backdoor lovin'.

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Tuesday, October 18, 2011 1:08 PM

MINCINGBEAST


Quote:

Originally posted by Bytemite:
Also, for the fic: Jayne fires bullets contaminated with venereal disease.

You... don't want to know.

Also, all characters should be redescribed in detail every few paragraphs or so, with inconsistent outfits and adjectives. However, what consistency there is should be completely ridiculous, like an insistence that Jayne has "limpid/soulful periwinkle eyes."

Much crying should be done about his tragic disease.

Mal should kick Jayne into the engines but he comes back fine in the next sentence. Simon just gave him some painkillers is all. Painkillers and hot infirmary backdoor lovin'.



You are wrong.

Jayne has space aids and a knife, not clap bullets. There is no cure for space aids. The crew initially attributes Jayne's illness to his fondness for whores, but when Book later develops symptoms too, questions arise. And boners, too, but that's Mal.

But anyway, Jayne has space aids, and takes to licking the blade of his knife in battle, getting hella space aids on the blade.

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