JAYNE’S GOT A PAIR 1&2

“ Hey dimwit!”

Jayne looked around……,the little avenue on “Skyplex” was crowded but the street barker seem to have been talking to him. Seems she’d singled him out. He looked back at her.

“You talking to me?”

“No, dimwad your twin brother.”

Jayne was stating to become aggravated now. Sure he wasn’t the smartest man in the verse, but he knew when he was being accosted .

“ Want your fortune read?’

Jayne walked over to the old woman sitting at the small table outside her little establishment. There were dozens of these type of folk lining the streets. Con-artist, rip-off schemers, two-bit crooks. Anything to get you to spend coin and take your money.

“ Want your fortune read?” She said again as Jayne approached.

In his eyes it wasn’t the way to attract customers but, Madam Corset knew what she was doing. She knew how to read people, been doing it for years. Something told her this fellow would take more interest if she approached his dumb-ass side. She was right.

“ Ain’t good business callin folk a dimwit.”

“ You’re right.” Miss Corset spoke. “ How about I tell your fortune.”

“ I don’t know.” Jayne said

“ Tell you what, if I can guess…..I mean if I can foresee one truthful thing about you will you come inside my shop and give coin to tell your future?”

Jayne looked at her. Finger and thumb rubbing his chin as he contemplated.

“ Give it a shot.” He said.

“ Ok,” She grinned. She rubbed the table hands making small circles on the quilted cloth. She closed her eyes.

“That hat on your head, a gift!” Jayne looked surprised. “ From your mother!” she continued.

There was no denying, she was right. He agreed to go inside to have his fortune told and Madam Corset followed with a smile on her face.

End part 1

Part 2 Madam C. led Jayne into a room draped in dark curtains. There was another small table with two chairs placed around it and a dim lamp hanging above. She motioned him to sit then she slid into the chair opposite.

“ Now Jayne, or would you liked to be called Mr. Cobb?”

The big guy was almost flattened. How did she…..

“ What would you like to know. Something about captain Reynolds or maybe preacher Book? I can tell you many things but gazing into the future is wearisome and it don’t come cheap. It takes payment.”

Jayne was becoming more impressed every second. Madam Corset cracked a smile, she knew he would. Ain’t much her son Byron missed when was out scoutin the crouds on Mulberry street picking up loose info, peoples names, where they lived, what they liked, were all things he could pick up on then secretly write down on his little pad. Byron was good at getting that information and bringing it back to her. If the mark looked promising and happened to walk by she would make a play for him, hence the reason for Jayne sitting at her table at that very moment.

“Well there is someone special I’d like to know a little more about…”

“ A comrade on your ship Serenity….”

Jayne’s eyes lit up…” Well yeah, Kaylee..”

Madam’s eyes closed. She began rubbing the table, her right hand stopped and her palm turned up, the fingers motioned for money. Jayne’s eyes were wide and he dug into his pocket for coin. Madam Corset knew she had him then. He’s ripe for the picking.

“ Yes, a sweet girl,” She continued “ and very much an admirer of yours.” Madam C. knew that once she’d seemingly brought out a few facts about a persons life they were more than ready to listen to whatever she had to say. Even if it was totally ridiculous. Fact being sometimes the more ridiculous the better, as long as it was good news. People didn’t like hearing bad things. Their pockets dried up quick if she spoke of death or broken bones, but their pockets opened again if those were about someone they didn’t like. No, love, marriage or gobs of wealth is what people paid her to hear.”

“ And I can see that you and she will be sharing something soon.” One thing about telling someone’s future, a future you knew nothing about, was to make it vague.

Jayne looked more intent.

“ Now there is that fellow thinks he’s better’n you…” She spoke.

“Simon!?” That bastard…” Jayne spouted.

Madam Corset wiggled her fingers for more money. Jayne dug into his pants pocket this time bringing out a wad of cash. He felt a little tweak of fear for a moment about being robbed but then thought “ What can this old woman do?”

Madam C saw the big balled-up roll of money. Something that Jayne didn’t often have and had worked hard for.

“Yes Simon. Kaylee sees him with favor also.” There was no way this tired old lady could get that load of cash from this big mountain of a man. She couldn’t, but the two giant brutes standing just outside the curtain could. Byron and Billy, her sons, were some hefty fellows themselves and had robbed…..excuse me aquired extensive amounts of money from several of the Madam’s cliental. Jayne would be just one more. It wasn’t like the authorities cared much about the petty thievery going on on “Skyplex”. They had bigger fish to fry. Time for the Madam to spring her trap.

“ Jayne with all the happiness and sorry you’ve had in your life it’s time to prepare for one more.” She paused,” A loss.“

This was a sudden surprise to Jayne. He sat back in his chair.

“ Yes, the loss of that big roll of money you’ve got stashed there in them baggy pants.” She said with a smile.

“ Byron, Billy, come out boys! Time to play!!”

The curtains flew apart and two strappingly big fellows came out from behind.

“ You called mama?”

“ Yeah, I’ve been reading this young man’s future and it’s gotten me fairly weak. You know nothing gets my strength back up better’n than a fruitful day of fortune telling and he’s got a load of cash. I think he needs to pay our premium price. What you boys think?”

“I’m wit-cha mama.”

They looked over to Jayne.

“ Time to pay up fella!”

Jayne looked over at the two brutes. He notice that Billy had on a woolen cap similar to his.

“Tain’t no way your gonna get this. I worked hard for that cash.”

“Well seems you’ll be working harder to get more!” Byron said.

The men rushed him. Jayne rolled off the chair, grabbed it’s legs and smashed Billy to the upper torso with it. Byron came in from the side, Jayne then spun and threw a quick elbow to his head. Billy was recovering and Jayne gave him a hard kick to the groin. He doubled over and Jayne flung him into the table. He turned his attention back to Byron and gave him a stiff punch to the face. Madam Corset was speechless. Her mouth hanging open the whole time. Jayne had been in to many brawls to let a family of carney cooks rob him without paying a toll. About that time Kaylee through the curtain.

“JAYNE! What the hells going on!!?”

The big man looked over at her. He said nothing, and really didn’t have to. In the matter of a blink of an eye the Serenity mechanic had if figured out.”

Jayne looked at Madam Corset.

“I’ll have that money back!”

She looked at him.

“All of it!” He added.

She made no move and Jayne took a step toward her. Kaylee grabbed his arm. Lady C. reached into the folds of her robe and pulled out a roll of rapped bills. Jayne took it from her. It was quite an impressive amount. Not all his of course. He took the string from around it retriever his share and tossed the remaining into the air. He turned to Kaylee, there was a smile on that pretty face. He reached over to Billy and pulled the funny cap off of his head. He and Kaylee left the room, she clinging to his arm.

“ I’m proud of you Jayne.” She gave him a quick kiss to the cheek. Jayne took a deep breath of pride. He offered her the cap. She smiled and put in on her head. Seems Madam C could tell the future. For the moment Kaylee did have a little gleam of admiration in her eye and they were sharing funny hats together. Soon they met up with the others. Wash began to laugh.

“What the heck?”

“Don’t ask.” Jayne told him.

“I’ll say it again, you walk down the street like that, says you ain’t afraid of nothing.”

“Damn strait” Jayne said. He and Kaylee turned and strolled steps ahead.

“ Jayne’s got a pair I tell ya…”

“ WASH..!” Zoey injected.

“ Of hats, of hats I was saying” He looked at his wife with a smile.

End