VAMPCHICK88'S BLOG

vampchick88

finding out that i'm going to be forgotten
Tuesday, February 27, 2007

so, i hate to bring even more negativity to the party, because i feel like i've got nothing but bad news...but...well, my grandma isn't doing too well. she's s little bit of an alsoholic, and is having real issues remembering things. so she's moving to town with my step-grandpa. she doesn't like me, the golden child cousin is her favorite. anyway, she's completely out of it, but it's just recently gotten pretty bad.

my grandpa had to go into the hospital because of his back and my grandma couldn't remember the day she put him there...and then she couldn't remember how to turn the lights on her car off, so she had to have a neighbor help her, and then today she left the phone off the hook for 3 hours.

i'm really scared. i already have a grandma on the other side who barley knows who i am because she's had a couple of strokes. i don't want to have another one...

and now everyone's talking about long-term care, and places for them to live, and insurence, and taking her car away, and i just take a breath and not have to deal with all of this.

i have a ton of stress right now. i hate to sound like i'm selfish, but i would really like to just go back to life 6 months ago. i just want to step out and breathe.

i'm so scared that i'm not going to be able to do anything with my life because i'm caught up in everything here. like, what if my mom get's sick my senior year, or when i'm away on the french trip?

i'm predicting the worst, i know that, but i can't help it, it's the one track my mind seems to be going on these days.

i just really don't want to be forgotten by another person in my family. they already don't like me too much.

i know that later in life i'm supposed to look back on this whole experience and treasure what i learned and stuff like that, but i think the only thing i'll remember is pushing all my friends away because i'm suddenly not as fun as i used to be.

okay, i feel like such a pit of negative energy... i really am sorry for making people worry about me and everything. thanks, i'm gonna go watch some CSI and eat a ton of ice cream...

COMMENTS

Wednesday, February 28, 2007 2:42 PM

SAVEWASH


Don't feel sorry for making us worry about you. It's what friends do. I'm glad you have this place to unload all the stuff you're dealing with so you don't feel entirely alone. We're here for you and we know you'll get through this. Hugs and best wishes!

Wednesday, February 28, 2007 2:33 PM

BLUEEYEDBRIGADIER


Trust me, vampirechick88...my senior year of high school was one long stumble towards the finish line called graduation. And even that got set back 4 months cuz the weather was heat stroke level hot:(

And much as it sounds impossible to fathom....you just have to let go somewhat. Go on your French trip when it comes along and enjoy. Your mom needs you feeling good so she can get focusing on her own struggles. Feeling like you're gonna explode from stress is normal, but I know my mom was helped in her fight against cancer by having moments when she could smile and think positively about the shit I was getting up to;D

And really? If your "friends" (just wait for the justification for putting the word in exclamation marks) really do leave ya in the lurch while you're down and out, then their friendship was an illusion. Friends stick by one another even when things look bleak and/or someone's being an ass;D

BEB

Wednesday, February 28, 2007 5:00 AM

MSG


Hey sometimes it's good to just dump all those negative feelings out and think ok I said it. My senior year REALLY sucked and i have to say most of my memories of that time aren't ones I like to look back on. So don't worry that you need to be "making memories" just stick to surviving and everything else will fall in:) HUGS and much love sweety. Please remember it's never selfish to be frustrated and scared and worried and angry that life is giving you a raw and sucky deal. You're doing just fine!!!


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