thank's guys, i'll keep you posted on how i am and what's up i really appreciate the advice and i really hope everything will turn out well.

<3 vampchick88

Definitely know what it's like to be in your position, vampirechick88...all too well. Seeing someone in pain, especially a good friend and regardless of who or what caused the pain, should honestly strike a cord in you to want to do everything you can to help them. The thing is...sometimes, as a good friend, you gotta cut the cord:(

A lot of great advice has been handed out and probably what I am going to say will be repeats of said tips...but I can only offer my heartfelt advice. So...I would suggest the following:

1) Sit down, either by yourself or with someone you trust to help you see the big picture, and figure out exactly how you feel about Kirran as a friend and how her actions make you feel.

2) Write out those feeling in some sort of correspondence (you would know best what form of message to use with Kirran) and be open and honest about how you feel. But also express how you have your own issues to muddle through, so being her safety net is safe for neither you nor her. Oh...and give a veiled ultimatium about your future invovlement...use the suggestion by msg that you will help ONLY when asked and if you feel you can without falling yourself.

3) Walk the walk that backs the talk you will talk. Do what you gotta do to stray out of Kirran's affairs...but still remain generally in the loop. Cuz your amigo needs to hit rockbottom so they can get back up...or find the right kind of help to carry them to safety. Ain't easy in the slightest...but it's really the best path for the both of you.

Oh...final point: we got your back, vampirechick88. The right thing is not the smart thing or the easy thing. It will be a rough road, and you will need support. Just know you got it with us:)

BEB

My advice, having been on both sides of the equation...

You cannot change her decisions. She, in fact, may not be able to change her decisions. If you are able, and only if, give her the benefit of the doubt - be there for her when she wants to spend time with you and don't complain. I know that's a heavy task, I'm struggling with it myself right now, but it is the only way you will be with her through till the end.

If this is too much, and certainly do not blame yourself it is (I call my mom every day to vent because it's so hard for me to see my best friend doing to herself what I once did to myself). If you cannot submit to waiting in the wings, let her know firmly that you love her and care about her, but you can't handle what's going on. Don't blame ANYONE, even if there are people to blame, because that will only alienate her. Emphasize how much you care about her and that you will always be there when she wants to talk.

And then slowly, little by little, let the relationship go. She will come around, maybe in a few weeks, maybe a year, there's no telling. But what I can say for certain is that you can't expect more from her than what you're getting, so you need to decide what YOU can handle, tell her how you feel about your friendship, and then...wait. It's not a bad idea to cultivate some new friendships in the meantime, because you will need people to lean on, but honestly, it's all you can do.

I regret the friends I lost during my little bout with insanity/whatever, and I value even more those who waited for me to get through it. I take responsibility for neglecting all my friendships, and someday she will too; the ball is in your court, but know that if you can't rely on her, DON'T. Look elsewhere, look to the browncoats, to your family, to other or new friends, because the more you need her the more disappointed you'll be.

Many hugs and my deepest empathy. I truly know how it feels to be so helpless.

Ok, first of all, what she (msg) said. Dead on the money with that advice.

I'll add my own little bit here, maybe it'll make some sense, only because I've walked on this Earth a little longer than you have. Everybody has to fall on their ass at some point or another, and land hard, to see what is happening to their lives. I've had to, and anybody with more than three decades behind them will tell you the same thing. Your friend needs to fall on her ass, and feel the pain and the shame. You cannot change the course someone is taking in their life. We all pick our own direction, with a little bit of luck (good and bad) thrown in.

My old man was a raging alcoholic, as were all of his siblings and his own father. All through college I drank like a frigging Viking, and let me tell you, I fell on my ass. Lucky for me, it happned for me young. MSG offered some excellent coucil....write a letter, or e-mail, or whatever, and just let go. You have no choice. I left my home at 17, becuase I wasn't going to let my father's hell benton self destruction path drag me down with him. You can't let yourself get dragged down either.

Most important thing I want to tell you is this: as I work my way through some very torturous affairs of my own heart (it's complicated), I found that I had hit a point where Icouldn't run, couldn't crawl, and I had to find a Browncoat out here to carry me. This isn't just a fan site, darlin', it's a Family, and just let us know if you need a lift.

Im was going to write some wonderful advice to you but I see Msg beat me to it. Please read her words and take them to heart.She is wise & helped me when I was down and saw no hope.Remember we
re here for you.

OK Listen very carefully...YOU CANNOT SAVE ANYONE ELSE!!! You are now in a lifeboat situation. On the airplane they tell you to put the mask on yourself first or you aren't in a position to help anyone else. You need to save yourself. I would suggest you sit down and write her a long note ( kind of like what you've written here) and let her know how frightened you are about what she is doing and how it affects her. Tell her you will always be there for her and you will help her the minute she asks. You don't have to drop out of her life, just stop being her safety net. She knows as long as she has you coming along behind and protecting her from herself she doesn't have to take any real responsibility for what she does. You can't be her helicopter( swooping in to save her each time) without damaging yourself and ultimately her. She has to learn to stop herself and the sad truth is, she may not ever learn and she might die. I know how hard this is. It is unbearable to watch someone so wonderful throw it away, but you are not in control of her or her choices and the more you try to be the worse this will get until it consumes you both. Sometimes the best way to help someone is to step away and let them take the full consequences of their choices. I would also either talk to her parents or talk to one of the counselors at school and ask them to intervene. If you need to talk or need someone to listen email me. I will PM you the addresses. Hang in there and hold tight to yourself. You have a hell of a time facing you.